Something New

Part 24 : i try

"Stella talk to me" her dad said "you can't come here and not explain what's happening, remember i am here to help you"

"I can't do this, i fucked shit up. I thought i was doing something right. But truth is i miss Kelly with my entire being, but i also can't ask for him to be with me. I know what i've told him is going to take him a while to process or he might never get over it, who knows."

"Who said you can't?"

"That's not fair" she got to getting the glass off the floor.

"Leave that alone" he got her up the floor.

But Stella had time to cut herself as she picked up a piece of the glass.

"Ugh" she said desperate almost about to cry.

"Come here, i'll get that in a few"

"I can't do this anymore, I'm exhausted physically and mentally. I can't sleep properly, i just trying to find some strength for the girls"

"You have so much to live for baby, you've gotten so far too" he said enthusiastic. "You'll get through this, you're not in this hole you were not too long ago"

"I feel like i will slowly crawl back into it."

"No you won't and I won't let it happen. Where are the girls?"

"At mom's"

"Let's go for them and let's change your mind today ok"

"Okay"

They took Stella's car and they went to pick the girls up.

Unfortunately for her all she could think about was how Kelly was kissing Erica. She hated it. She was missing him, his gentle kiss and touch but also how he would just make love to her and to know that someone else was getting that was just heart wrenching for her. But she tried to enjoy the day with her babies.

And as her dad was walking in front with the girls Stella decided to talk to her mom.

"Do you think i could go back to work"

"Do you feel like you're ready, or do you just want to see Kelly"

"It might be both, i can't wrap my head around the fact that now the girls will be separated from Kelly and that they'll see him only occasionally. That's not what i wanted for them"

"Who told you to even let him go?" Her mom asked a bit confused.

"Wasn't it best? I was the one who wasn't able to stand looking at him after what i had done"

"So, a little break would have been just fine. You both love each other very much, so why not hold on to that"

"I don't know mom. All i know i'd rather suffer myself then let anyone else around me suffer"

"But we love you, and no matter what all we want to do is help you carry this weight" she said to her softly as she passed her hand through her daughter's hair.

"I know but I'll eventually get there"

They got in yet another store after this short conversation. Stella knew her mom was making some valid points but she was so scared, and for the rest of the day she just decided to forget. Because it was better this way.
___________
That same day, at night Mills was at Stella's house. The girls were asleep.

"So you're telling me that you want to come back to the firehouse" Mills asked a bit confused "why?"

"Because I don't know, maybe i miss the action or just doing something with my life"