The Spy

3.0

THIRD PERSON POV

Is this how it feels to be on the backstage? Because if it is, Jennie doesn't want to become an idol anymore. Her heart is beating fastly that she can feel herself starting to shake. No matter how many times she tries to dry her sweaty hands, it will only get sweatier and even more sweatier. The 'letter' that she wrote for YG is ready in her hands and she hopes that her own sweat is not going to ruin it.

Yesterday, after meeting Papa YG, Hyukjae escorted her to another dorm. It looks like they don't trust her around blackpink's final member anymore, which is completely understandable. Hyukjae stayed silent as he escorted Jennie. He couldn't believe it. A girl as nice and talented as Jennie turns out to be an SM spy. He will need to be more careful from now on.

" I will ask the girls to pack for you, your necessary things for the night. Do you need anything else?"

Jennie stood  awkwardly by the door. "Maybe some paper and a pen?"

Hyukjae nodded. "Anything else? I hope you're not hiding anything else. Your room and belongings will be checked thoroughly by the staffs so does the blackpink's final members phone."

Jennie shook her head. There's nothing else. The staffs will probably find some draft letters that she hid and nothing more. She was about to contact the members but knowing their phones will be checked, it's better for her not to contact them.

Hyukjae extended his hand. "Your phone and password please."

Jennie froze. She completely forgot that her phone will be checked too.

"Don't worry, we won't check personal things. We will only check if you contacted somebody suspicious or any SM staff."

Jennie took a deep breath. She needed to give her phone. She couldn't say no. She finally handed her phone. "The password is my birthday. I'm sure you know it."

Hyukjae nodded in approval and left.

Just after he left, Jennie remembered something. Her chats with Mino.

"Jennie." the cold voice breaks her thoughts.

"Annyeong haseyo sajangnim." she quickly bows at Papa YG who just arrived. Her heart starts to beat even faster as she remembered Mino. Is he in trouble because of her chats? He must be really mad at her.

Without a voice, Papa YG stands beside her. Together, they can see people starting to fill up the room. They are actually in the dining room where Jennie first was introduced. It's the first place where she started her journey. Sadly, every journey has to come to an end. Will it be the place for her to end too?

" I wish you luck, Jennie."

She tilts her head to Papa YG. What does he mean by luck? Why would she need it? It's clearly the end for her. She is going to confess everything to YG artists, staffs, and many more.

Taking a deep breath, Papa YG leaves the backstage to walk to the stage.

"Kam-kamsahabnida." Jennie quickly bows as he leaves. Maybe she does need luck.

---

"Annyeong haseyo, Kim Jennie ibnida. I'm... I'm the one who write the letters to SM and I... and I never thought that I'll be writing a letter for YG too. With my letter that I'm about to read right now, I'll tell all of you everything and everything is the truth." Her letter is officially ruined because of her sweaty palms and anxiousness but she will keep going.

" Before I was transferred to YG I was a new trainee in SM. It was my first evaluation and I chose to dance to Mental Breakdown by CL sunbaenim. It caught Sooman sajang's attention so he decided to make me a spy. I didn't know anything about korea's entertainment back then so I innocently agreed because I thought that by doing Sooman sajang's order I'll be able to debut faster." Jennie pauses and smiles bitterly at herself . "Now I know that I'm terribly wrong."

" So far, I had sent 4 letters. The first letter was about blackpink, the fixed member and the three trainees that are about to compete, the second letter was about the first mission and my doubts, the third letter was sent after the first rumor was out and it was filled by my doubts, the fourth letter was about the trainee who got eliminated, and me deciding to cut ropes with SM and I think that triggered the final rumor."

"When I first entered YG I'm actually very conscious with the fact that I'm an SM spy but I thought that it will be okay since I'm here just to be regular trainee and I'll debut in SM anyway. But then I met Jisoo unnie, Chaeyoung, and Lisa. I was surprised that they really wanted to debut with me and later on that day Hyunsuk sajang announced that he was creating blackpink. He also announces the fixed member and the trainees that are going to compete, that was when I realize I'm in a big problem." 

Jennie keeps her stare fixed to her ruined letter. She doesn't have the courage to see the trainee's, the idol's, and even the blackpink's final member expression.

 She knows where they are sitting though. The blackpink members are sitting with Papa YG and some YG's official in the table right in front where she is standing. Bigbang and 2ne1 are sitting in the left and the right and...

Stop it Jennie. You need to focus. She thinks to herself. She takes another deep breath and continues.

"I started to doubt myself more and more and I really started to feel bad with it when I met Jina unnie. Jina unnie is so bright and nice and I immediately felt comfortable with her. I was surprised by how long she's been training and how long she's been waiting to debut. I feel so bad and I started to think that I took somebody else's chance to debut and yes it's true. I took Jina unnie chance to debut and because of me her 10 years training turns to waste. Jina unnie... I'm sorry... I'm very-very sorry."

This time she decides to look for Jina. She scans the girl trainee's table and quickly finds a girl who is staring back at her. Jina. She stares at her in disbelieve. It looks like the company hasn't briefed the trainees about Jennie yet. 

Jennie tries to control her shaky breath and she bows at Jina's direction. Again, she doesn't have enough courage to look at Jina for the second time. She decides to continue her letter.

"The fear was eating me alive and I started to have bad dreams about it. Living in the dorm with Jisoo unnie, Chaeyoung, and Lisa doesn't help either. They were so nice to me and they constantly support me saying that they wanted to debut with me. I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry for disappointing all of you and I'm sorry stabbing you from behind."

She can feel the blackpink girls stare at her. She can almost feel how they want her to look at them once but she can't. She's afraid that a single look will cause her to breakdown and she needs to finish the letter.

"For Lea and Haemi , thank you for being my friend, thank you for always supporting me too. Lea... mianhae... If just somebody had known that I'm an SM spy, I would get eliminated from the very beginning and you will still have a chance to debut. I'm very sorry."

Jennie starts to shake. It's too much for her. All the burden, all the fear that she's been bottling up.

"To all, hyunsuk sajangnim, trainers, sunbaenims, and trainees I'm very sorry to disappoint you and ruin your chance to debut. I don't expect myself to be forgiven.... but I have a request."

Tears start run down on her face and her breaths are getting shakier.

"Please... please let Jina unnie compete with Haemi instead. Please give Jina unnie a chance to debut.. jeball.."

That's it. She finally finished reading her letter. She even told them her last request. If luck does really exist, Jennie hopes that it's on her side right now.