Commander, Soldier, Spy (Erwin X Reader)

Chapter 20: Happier

I couldn't look away, only watch as the only man I had ever truly cared for held another woman in his arms. The pain in my chest let me know that my heart was ripping itself to shreds.

I'd been gone too long. That much was obvious. I couldn't say I wasn't happy for him. I was glad that he had been able to find happiness with someone else. But nonetheless I still wished I could be her.

I followed as they began to walk towards the town once again. I stayed back watching their movements. Everything about her was perfect and Erwin deserved no less.

I took notes in my notebook maybe it would be useful. I was taking note of everything at that point.

I saw them stop outside a bar and she said something that made him chuckle. I missed the sound of his laughter. I don't think I'd ever seen him smile so wide.

I brushed the tears from my cheeks and quickly left before I was spotted. I began the long walk home.

I passed by the survey Corps offices and ducked behind a group of people when I noticed Levi looking out of Erwin's office window. I hoped that he hadn't found the note I had left for Erwin. Although I regretted putting it there at all now. It was clear my chances with him were near to none.

It didn't seem as if Erwin had told anyone about what had happened. Whether it was because he just didn't believe me or some other reason. At least that meant I could continue my life in Paradis relatively unscathed. I can't imagine that I would still have all my limbs if Levi had caught wind of exactly what had happened

As I approached my door I saw a familiar figure standing at my door knocking and peering through the windows.

"Stefan!" I called out running up to him dropping my bag on the ground as I did so. He turned his face contorted into a confused expression before he realised it was me and held his arms open. I fell into them hugging him tightly. His postman's vest brushed against my cheek and suddenly.... I was home.

After a few moments Stefan spoke.
"Y/n... Where have you been? I've been so worried about you." His voice wobbled as if he was about to cry.
"I thought that something bad might have happened to you. And I ... I didn't want that." He squeezed me tightly.

"It's a long story... I promise I'll tell you one day." I sniffled my tears from earlier having returned. I could feel his heart racing, it thumped as if it was running from death, desperate to survive.

"Y/n... I.... I thought about this a lot...because...I-I- I didn't want you to be gone without me telling you how I really feel." Stefan half stuttered and half blurted out.

"What do you mean?" I remained held and comforted by him.

"Y/n... I think I might be...I mean... I really like you." Despite having my face buried into his chest I could tell his face was red. Truth be told mine was too.

It was all a lot to process. I had just lost who I thought was the only man that could ever love me. And yet here is Stefan in front of me so comforting and warm hearted. I should be thrilled. And I was... But not the same way I had been with Erwin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We went inside my house and sat down at the table. I explained what had happened with Erwin but left out all the details about my true identity. I didn't think Stefan was ready to hear the truth just yet.

"So he just... Found someone else? But I don't understand? How could he find someone better than you? You're smart, funny, beautiful." Stefan questioned.

"I betrayed him Stefan." I replied still not telling him the whole story.

"I know. And you can't tell me how. I get that. But still despite all that I don't see how he could possibly get over you that fast. I mean anyone in their right mind would be distraught over losing you." Stefan pulled off his woolen vest as the conversation grew more heated. "I know I would be." He added slyly.

I sighed and stood. "Look, I'll tell you everything. But not until we're done with these." I pulled three bottles of wine from the cabinet.

"Where did you get those? They look expensive" Stefan said with concern.

"Less talking more drinking." I scolded pouring a glass of wine for him.

We sat for many hours mostly in silence. Occasionally talking about what I'm missed while I had been gone.

As we both sat in the candle light of my kitchen I thought about Erwin. How his office was almost always in the same yellow glow. How we had danced round it and how when we had kissed it felt like fireworks were going off.

I hoped in time. I'd move on. But in that moment it still felt like a bullet wound in my chest.