Reading Between The Lines ~ Remus Lupin ~ Book 1

chapter 15

Tuesday, 23 November 1976

Remus sat on his bed and stared at Marauder's Map looking for Lena. Peter had told him, James, and Sirius that she was embarrassed that they knew about her dyslexia and just wanted to be alone. Remus has seen her earlier today in between meals and classes. She looked detached and uninterested with everything and everyone. Remus wanted to fix that, to make her happy like she made him happy when she learned he was a werewolf.

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Lena's hands trembled as she held a letter in her hands and decided which owl from the owlery to pick to post her letter. She had written a letter to her parents telling them how she failed her latest Binns exams and was, at the rate she was at, going to fail the class. She dreaded receiving her parents' post in response. Her mother had been reluctant to send her to Hogwarts in the first place. She had always been concerned that Lena would be unable to do the work and fail the classes and that teachers would be accommodating. Lena supposed she was right in the end. Her father, on the other hand, would be less concerned with Lena's grades and be more concerned about how it was affecting her mind and emotions. She remembered following the incident with Ivy Williams, her father had called the school the next day to say Lena was ill and he took the day off from work and they spent the day at the cinema and he purchased ridiculous amounts of toys and sweets in an attempt to cheer her up.

But Lena was not ten anymore. Bunking off from school and having fun would not make her feel better, at least not in the grand scheme of things. No, Lena knew she would feel better if she could do better in school, if she didn't have to work so hard to barely pass, if she wasn't constantly stressed about something about herself she couldn't change.

Lena turned her attention away from the tawny brown owl to the door as she heard it creak open. To her surprise, it was Remus, who despised the owlery.

"What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you."

"But you hate the owlery."

"Yeah, but I don't hate you."

At the moment, Lena did not like the effect the tall boy had on her. She didn't like that he made her slightly dizzy. She didn't like how he made her heart race. She didn't like that he could make her feel better when she didn't want to with so few words. Lena cleared her throat. "So, you're here about yesterday?"

"I am."

Lena let out a breath as Remus approached her and grabbed her free hand.

"I didn't want anyone at Hogwarts to know about my dyslexia. I didn't want my friends to know. I didn't want you to know," Lena said shakily.

"Why?"

She looked down at her feet as she spoke. "I'm so ashamed of it. I've told some people about it before Hogwarts and after I told them, it's all they seemed to care about. They didn't look at me the same."

Remus gently shook his head. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. You know I'm a werewolf and you don't care and you haven't treated me any differently. So why do you think I would care that you have dyslexia or treat you differently?"

"I dunno. You're so wonderful and brilliant nothing changes that. Dyslexia make me stupid."

"You are not stupid, Lena. Your mind works a bit differently. It doesn't make you any less brilliant than you actually are."

Lena wrapped her arms around his neck, crumpling the letter in her hand. He always has the right words, Lena thought as she mumbled a "thank you" into his ears. She pulled away and looked up at him.

"Now, what else is wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been off for a few days, before you got the Binns exam back."

"I didn't think you would have noticed."

"I notice a lot of things about you."

Lena blushed.

"So, what's wrong?" Remus repeated.

"Maggie, Ava, and I got into a fight last Friday... we haven't spoken since then and I'm not really sure what to do. All I know is that I miss them."

"What was the fight about?"

Lena bit her lip. "They think that I've been lying to them about studying all the time and that I don't want to be friends with them."

Lena's voice became shaky as she continued speaking, "I hate that it takes so much time away from my friends. I don't want them to think that I don't like them. It feels like I'm missing out on all these important moments. I don't get jokes afterwards and they always have to catch me up on stories. And I'm afraid they just won't bother hanging out with me anymore and tell me what I missed. I mean, why be friends with someone who can't always be there for you?"

Lena was unable to see as she began to cry and was choking on her words. Her body began to visibly shake. Resting his chin on her head, Remus pulled her into his arms and rubbed circles on her back with one hand and stroked her hair with his other hand. He could feel his shirt dampening, but that didn't matter to him. He eventually felt her body stop shaking and her tears subside, but he kept holding her.

"You should tell them," Remus murmured.

"I can't. I'm too embarrassed."

"You shouldn't be, though. They love you and won't care."

There was a long pause before Lena said anything. "You sure?" she mumbled.

"Positive."

Remus felt her nod against his chest. "Alright," Lena whispered.

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The corridors were mostly empty as Remus walked Lena back to the Hufflepuff common. Lena and Remus walked close together, with their arms touching as they held hands. Remus saw the panic return to Lena's face when they arrived in front of the Hufflepuff door. Remus bent down and pecked her cheek. "You've got this, Lena."

Lena's cheeks burned. "Thank you," she said softly.

"Are you free tomorrow after class?"

"Yeah, why though?"

"I'm gonna help you study."

Lena protested, "You don't have to do that, Remus."

"But I want to."