(EDITING) #StillAlive [Jikook/Zombie AU]

14.

Jimins P.O.V.

"Jungkook, I really would have loved to come with you to Busan. Be safe there and look for your family. I know, we are a team and protecting you was my main goal, but I trust them enough to know they will take care of you. You are safe with them."

My eyes wander to Jungkooks sleeping frame. After he fell back asleep with me still in his arms, I wasn't sure anymore if I wanted to leave. Yet, sometimes someone has to be selfish. I have to protect myself.

"There are reasons why I can't go to Busan. One day I will maybe tell you, so stay alive, okay?
Thank you for everything, Kooks.
And I'm sorry, Hyung. Take care.
-Jiminie"

I finish the letter with an aching chest. A sigh leaves my mouth, shaking in what feels like anger but I knew it was a different emotion. Sad? Disappointed? Worried? Terrified? I can't name it.

It was unfair. After weeks and months being alone in this mess, losing the only person I've ever considered family, then meeting Jungkook and the others, finding hope for a better future and life.. this is what fate plans for me? As if my childhood wasn't haunting enough, this world was really wanting to see me break in every single way possible.

I clench my fist and the unnoticed tear drops fall off my cheeks. The mess in mind with thoughts crashing into each other, sending waves and waves of new worry and fear, was giving me a headache. Compared to my mind my heart was burning, shattering.

I don't want to leave, yet I have to. I can't possibly walk into Busan, when they are searching for me, and hope for the best. I would walk into hell willingly.
Knowing that and knowing that my decision is the best for me, then why does it feel so wrong?

Why is my main worry that Jungkook will be disappointed and probably hate me? Why am I worried for his safety almost more than for my own? Why can't I get his stupid bunny like smile out of my head, as if it is whispering to me to stay.

It's a drama, really. Do I choose rationally or emotionally? Safe my ass and be alone again or go through hell again but be content with Jungkook around? Would he even protect me? When it's humanity against me, he would be a hero and choose what every other sane human being would do.

Trade one human for the safety of all.
No matter how close, no matter how loved.

I stand up, grab the bag I had prepared earlier from the bed and walked carefully to the sleeping man. His lips in a small pout, nose twitching from time to time, messy hair pointing in every direction, one arm thrown over his head, the other resting on the thin mattress. One leg hanging from the edge of the frame, the other laying angled on the bed; Such a chaotic sleeper.

I can't hold back a small giggle, take his leg and carefully place it down on the bed, pulling the blanket over his body so he wouldn't get cold. My finger gently wipes away the hair on his forehead, just admiring his annoying but handsome face for the last time.

Once I leave, I will not ever come back and I know I will have to move into another apartment. Jungkook will eventually find out the truth and him knowing where I live is a danger for my safety.

I would love to think that I can trust him, but I simply know that I can't.

"Stupid bunny.." I mumble and again don't notice my welling up eyes. "I will miss you, Hyung." The lump in my throat seems to grow and to hold my self back from breaking the last string that keeps me from crying a river, I turn around and walk out of the tent. Not looking back.

It wasn't hard to convince the guards to let me out. This was no prison. Everyone is free to come and leave, yet they were clearly worried why I would want to leave the safety here in the middle of the night.