(EDITING) #StillAlive [Jikook/Zombie AU]

32.

Jimin's P.O.V.

Days. Weeks. Months? I really don't know. Keeping track of time and date wasn't my main priority.

The loss of.. Namjoon Hyung is still a fresh wound in our hearts. Seokjin barely talked to any of us, but especially avoided me, his eyes would murderously glare at me from time to time. I can understand him.

Namjoon would be still alive if I was just brave enough for the tests. If I just had done it.. Nothing of this all would have happened. His death is my fault and no one can tell me otherwise.

Taehyung and Hoseok are the silent grieving types. They try to bring some sense of normality into the group, which sometimes work. Well now it does.

It's been a while since that day. People of course are coming slowly back on their feet. "Life goes on" Yoongi had said, when I cried on his shoulder after I felt bad for laughing at one of Taehyungs jokes. "Happiness and grieve are two very close emotions. You will laugh just as you will cry. What is important is that you let it happen, little prince." He said with a warm smile.

Yoongi turned out to be more wise and good with handling peoples emotions than we thought. He kept us all together, rather than letting one of us on their own. He gathered us all together every night and talked with is.

And it worked. No one, besides Seokjin, opened up slowly, crying when they wanted to, being in an environment where all shared the same pain, it was easier to be vulnerable.

And then there was Jungkook. From all of us he's the one I am the most worried about, because he just doesn't show anything.. His eyes would well up but he swallows down the sadness that would come over him.

No matter how much I tried to talk with him, he would either smile at me and tell he was okay or he would kiss me breathless, strip me naked and take me.

Somehow fucking his frustration out on me. Not that I'm complaining. Sex is great. Sex with Jungkook is heavenly. But I want him to talk rather than showing me what he feels.

I know he is a physical person, better with touch rather than his words. He can't explain himself well, so he doesn't even try. However, I can't let him eat himself up, just because he doesn't want to talk through his grieve.

He is the one hugging me back to sleep, when I wake up in the middle of the night, suddenly feeling the overwhelming pain wash over me again and would cry a waterfall on his chest.

Always telling me that he's here with me now, that I will be okay, that it's okay. He's always comforting me, but he doesn't let anyone comfort him.

"You can't use my body to let your emotions out all the time." I mumbled in his neck, laying limp on top of him, slowing coming down from the multiple orgasm he made me go through.

"But you like it." He chuckled while he let a hand smooth down my bare back. Kissing my cheek and wrapping his arms tighter around me, inhaling the scent of my shampoo.

"I do, but at this point you will fuck me into a wheelchair. My poor butt needs a break." I whined and brought my head up to face him with a pout.

His finger gently brushed the hair on my forehead behind my ear and cupped my cheek I contentedly melt into.

"Your eyes tell-.. They used to shine but now they are so.. so numb." He whispered, his eyes welling up once again. 

"Jungkook." I narrowed my eyes, darkly looking at his round ones. "You can't keep this silly act up. It's okay to try and explain what you feel. But you?" I huffed and broke free from his hands, rolled off him and started to gather my clothes.