(EDITING) #StillAlive [Jikook/Zombie AU]

24.

Jimin's P.O.V.

I really want to curse the day I met them all. The day I saved the taller. The day Taehyung and Namjoon found me. I want to curse that day. I feel regret for whatever good I made that day. None of this would have happened. I was fine before, on my own. No worries, no stress, no bad vibes.

Now.. I feel as if reality beats me all over again. My mind reminding, almost mockingly, that I was in such trap before. Intoxicating my thoughts with degrading words.

'Stupid. You're so stupid. Got caught again. Of course you weak dumb bitch can't even run and hide. Good for nothing, Jimin. You're good for nothing.'

I should be numb to those whispers. They don't hurt actually, because it's the truth. This is my fault. I'm here because I was stupid enough to think that he wouldn't force me here when I explain him what holds me back. 

I let my guard down, blindly laid in the traps of arms and let him wash my brain, watched him turn my mind into his home, let him infect my feelings.. I think his betrayal would have hurt much less when I didn't had that.. now disgustingly heart fluttering attraction towards him.

Yet. No matter how much I want to hate him right now, despise those warm arms comforting me when I break down and the way it almost feels like.. home, how much I want his gentle voice to never hum in my ears ever again, I can't.
And it frustrates me that I can't find it in my heart nor mind that I don't want to let go of him. He's still the only one I want in this life.

That doesn't mean I will give into his pleading eyes, to his soft touches and to his genuine tries to calm the turmoil in my mind. Not until I can look at him and not feel hurt.

"I will be there every second. You won't be alone. I made sure of that. They know their limits and know that I won't waste a second to get you out if they even think about treating you like in your past."

I still lay in his arms, listening, once in a while the lump in my throat would ache again and I would sob, sniffle, my hands still grabbing onto his shirt, as if this would keep me grounded, keep me from falling, scared once I let go I would be alone with them again.

I want to let go, turn around and close my eyes. Sleep and hope this is just a bad dream, but the sooner I accept reality the better I will feel, because right now I hate myself for showing weakness, being vulnerable. I can't help it, I can't control it. No matter how much I try to return my mindset back to the fearless persona, I can't reach the switch.

"You are safe and we all will protect you. They won't hurt you. The only thing they want from you is a little blood and I'm sure within a week you can go back to Seoul again. No one will hold you back."

The more I listen to him, the more I can get some peace into my mind. It does help to get assurance within the haunting thoughts of 'what if's'.

"Stay strong. I believe that you can do this. No, I know you can. You're by far the most fearless fighter I've ever met. So show them. Show them who you are, Jimin. Show them that they are the weaker. Show them that the child from the past could now destroy them in seconds."

Jungkook is right. I'm so much stronger than the past me. I shouldn't be scared to face them, also with someone watching them and being on my side, I shouldn't worry. The panic I feel shrinks the more he talks me through it.

"This is not you against the world. Remember? We're a team. It's us against them. But until we can show them your bad ass roundhouse kick, we have to be patient, okay?"

I want to giggle and talk to him. I want to answer him, look into his eyes and show him that he's doing a great job as a friend. But I can't. So I just nod.