Tanhì

2-8: Laro si

Mo'at and I walked within hometree, the festivities had ended and so the cleaning had begun. I insisted I help and we talked while walking. 

"I don't know if you're the best person to talk to about this, but Jake didn't have anyone and Norm only had his mother." I said slowly.

"We're to talk about your old family?" Mo'at suddenly stopped, "Do you wish to return?"

"No, no of course not, I chose to stay here the moment I became one of the people. No, I miss my family dearly. I know I will not see them again but it still hurts. I remember so little of my life before I came here." I said wistfully.

"I do not know how to make your pain go away, it is one I have never had to feel. Even with my own family gone, I still have a way to hear their voices and see them within my mind." she embraced my thinner frame, "My advice is to hold onto your treasured memories, and keep your loved ones close." she said softly. I nodded, I knew if I opened my mouth, I would break down all over again.

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"Yawntu? Tanhì, I've been looking for you. Are you alright?" Tsu'tey had found me in our usual spot, a small alcove of a cavern near the falls. 

I brought my knees up to my chest and nodded slowly. He got on his knees next to me and pulled me close. His breath dusted my face as his lungs drew in slow unsure breaths. It seems not many na'vi have depression or anxiety or he doesn't know what to do about it. I don't blame him, but I did want to be alone a while. I hate worrying him like this, he has the clan to worry about.

"I know you know I don't know how to talk about sängä'än, but I know that you shouldn't be alone right now. I know you're hurting. I want to be here for you." He spoke unsurely. It's so unusual for him to be anything but confident. 

"I know Tsu'tey. I know you want to help me, but I don't want you to feel miserable because there's little you can do." I sighed glumly.

"Nonsense, I know one thing." he stood up and dragged me along. on our way I saw Norm and my students all beginning some lessons from Saeyla in my stead since I was having an episode. Norm seemed pretty upset. I guess Trudy's recovery had slowed again. Her leg was broken in several places, on top of that she had third degree burns. If she had left with the RDA they would have left her for dead since they don't keep medical equipment on the ship. She has a chance.

Tsu'tey brought me to the place we stayed the night before our ceremony, it wasn't too long ago. He pulled me into the water after him, the cold undisturbed waters flowed and enveloped around my body. It was a welcome feeling on my too warm body. 

"I know I can't take your pain away, but I would if I could." Tsu'tey pulled me into his arms. 

"I know Tsu'tey." we held each other in comfortable silence. A silence disrupted by Jake's joking and taunting.

"Hey love birds!" followed by a smack from Neytiri, not very hard on his arm. She grumbled a quick angry warning and he chuckled in response.

"Tsay'eveng." Tsu'tey let a low laugh escape his grinning mouth.

"I heard that moron!" Jake yelled from the shore. Tsu'tey just smiled and moved us further out in the water.

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That night Tsu'tey and I talked about my depression and he talked about his anxieties about being olo'eyktan. Of course he's used to it now but he still needs someone to talk to. 

"Depression is something I've struggled with most of my life." I said in english, "There really isn't a cure but there are periods of time where I don't feel so upset." he listened intently, "It's just a lot of weight on my shoulders. I feel like if I forget my life it will be easier, but I will loose a part of myself. I don't quite remember every ones faces or voices but they feel present in my mind. I miss them dearly." I finished.

"I feel similarly about people I've lost. I hope to help you and everyone I can, but I put you first because I am so worried. I don't know how to help you and that scares me. You always seem to know to help others and I hope the people will look to me the same way they look to you." I surprised at his words. 

"They look to me? for help?" I asked suddenly while sitting up. 

"Yes, especially those who are lost in their minds, those who are angry or sad. They seem to just watch you and learn." He said with a chuckle.

"I had no Idea!" I suddenly jumped back into english. It put a smile on my face. It filled me with determination and motivation to help and teach all I can.