Tanhì

3-7: Hu 'Eveng

Tsu'tey has enough stress on his shoulders. The safety of Hell's Gate, our daily life, and his own personal affairs. But he deserves to know. 

Tsu'tey had been busy all morning sending our messengers out to meet the clans on the verge of war. I guess it's a matter of waiting and time. Every time I try to speak with him, he is pulled away. It's like I'm being worked against by fate. 

Frustrated and exhausted, I sit down and think about the next time Tsu'tey and I will be able to talk. He will be busy throughout the day and the best time is dinner, but he'll probably get excited about it and tell everyone. I'm not ready to tell everyone yet. Tonight then, I'll tell him tonight. 

For the rest of my day, I made myself useful anyway I could to get my mind off of it enough so that I didn't panic. I know I have no reason to, but I can't help my anxieties. With little and simple things to do, I find it hard to relax. Work was all I used to do during my time as a human right  before it ended. Paperwork, schoolwork, Work-work, and learning from the Na'vi. All I do these days are cook, prepare food, I don't hunt anymore for obvious reasons, and I help Mo'at and the Kxan'okrol with menial and decent sized tasks. 

But with the preparation of food, I knew last meal was on it's way. And I want more than anything, to avoid the eyes of the clan. I fear they'll scorn me, not for any real reason, but this feeling keeps me from running to him. Running to him and throwing myself into his arms, I miss him so much while he works. With all this pressure to become the next Tsahik, I often push down that feeling. The deep, lonesome sorrow that chokes me. 

I can feel it choking me now, as I stand here holding a bowl of paint which will adorn my students for their dream hunt tonight. They've waited so long to be one of the people, they learned so fast. I'm very proud of them all. 

Tsu'tey had been pushing for their ceremonies. The clan's numbers had been reduced significantly since the battle. Now that we have such a big home in such a tight space, we need smaller "outposts" to spread out and settle. We have all this territory and such small numbers. So, we need more people. Unfortunately, we can't just poof them into existence, but all those Avatars from the program are following suit, becoming one of the people. 

I kept doing chores until I realized that I had forgotten to eat. And just as I was going to leave to make myself something, Tsu'tey was there for me with a wrap and some fruit. He makes my heart sing.

"Tanhì, I see you. I brought you a meal... I know you've been troubled recently. I don't know what your mind has been on or why you keep distant, but I am here for you." I had been fixing a shelf made to hold herbs for one of the ayzeykoyu, healers, and this healer tends to stay in the crescent shaped coves in the roots, which face the spiral of home tree. I should have felt safe and comforted, but I felt trapped and alone. 

I snapped when I should've sounded more grateful.

"Thank you." I spat. He flinched and his ears fell flat with his expression. He drooped and shrunk. 

"No, wait. I'm sorry," It was my turn to slump, "I didn't mean that." He set my food down on the half fixed shelf and stood tensely.

"What did you mean?" He asked with a diminished tone.

"I don't think I meant anything. I didn't mean to use that tone, I'm sorry I yelled." I took his hand in mine. "I've just been stressed." I slumped further until I decided to sit. I pulled him with me. 

"What do you..." His sentence fell short. He gazed at me with those eyes that were once cruel, now all I see is gentleness. 

"Tsu'tey. I have something very important to tell you." I ran my thumb over his knuckles reassuringly. His ears perked up and those bioluminescent spots which dotted his skin symmetrically lit up. 

He couldn't get any words out through his mouth which was agape. I saw his tongue move, as if he was praying or whispering. Whispers and prayers which fell short. He inhaled deeply though his nose and closed his mouth. 

"Tsu'tey, I think I am with child."