Erwin Smith x Reader Oneshots

🏳️‍🌈💙Always💙🏳️‍🌈

okay im very sorry i havent been updating recently, ive been busy :(

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"It's not like that!!" I hollered back at the soldier, who was accusing me of something that was actually true. It was something that I didn't want anyone knowing. If it came out, it would be the end of my career as a Scout, for sure. 

"Then what's it like huh?! Why don't you use the communal shower rooms, like everybody else?!" He screamed. I tried my best to hold back my tears, but it was becoming more difficult by the second.

"I-It just makes me uncomfortable. I talked to Commander Erwin, and he said I could use one of the private showers!" The soldier's eyes widened slightly, but returned back to normal a moment later. He smirked and leaned down real close to my face.

"Why's it make you uncomfortable sweetheart?" He asked in a low tone. My breathing quickened in fear as I desperately tried to pull another excuse out of thin air. I lowered my eyes to the ground and kept them locked there.

"W-Well...I-I-" I nervously stuttered. The soldier only laughed in my face, his buddies soon joined him. Biting my lip in an attempt to hold back my sobs, I sighed and ran off to my bedroom. Another heaving sigh escaped my lips as I flopped down onto my bed. I moved just my eyes to stare at the small bottle of testosterone blockers on my nightstand. 

'Ugh, why do I even try anymore...' I questioned myself silently. It was a question I asked often. Others just didn't understand me, so why should I try to make friends? Why can't I just accept that I am, and always will be, a 'lonely little tranny,' as my mother called me.

Suddenly, two knocks on the door ripped me from my thoughts. I widened my eyes and sat up as quickly as I possibly could.

"Uh, one minute please!" I called to the person as I lunged across my bed, reaching for the pill bottle. I pulled my nightstand drawer open, dropped the bottle in, and slammed it shut.

"It's just me (Y/N). The commander wants to see you in his office in ten minutes." I heard Hanji's usual cheerful voice. I inhaled deeply to calm myself down. Hanji was harmless, so I trusted them. Just not with something as important as the fact that I'm not biologically a female.

"O-Oh, okay." I replied. When I heard Hanji's descending footsteps, I decided it was better to be early than late. I exited my bedroom and made my way over to Erwin's office. He was probably the only person who was actually nice to me here, other than Hanji and Miche. 

As I approached his door, I noticed it was already ajar. Instead of knocking like I usually did, I gently pushed the door open and peeked my head inside. Erwin was sitting at his desk, casually signing papers and pushing them aside. He must've seen me though, because he lifted his head up and sweetly smiled at me.

"You don't have to wait there. Come on in." Erwin said to me as I walked in and closed the door behind me. I slowly strolled over to his desk and sat down across from him.

"You wanted to speak with me sir?" I asked him after a few moments of silence.

"Oh right, yes. I apologize, I've just been trying to get this damn paperwork caught up." He chuckled and put his pen aside. "I just wanted to question you about something..." I nodded and tried to hide my uneasiness. Did he somehow find out??

"Um, w-what is it, sir?" 

"The fight that broke out earlier. I heard a brief report from Captain Levi, but he didn't hear the full argument. What was it about?" Erwin explained in a serious tone. My breath hitched, but I kept my composure. 

"W-Well, another scout was accusing me of s-something, I was trying to deny it. But in the end, I just walked away."

"What were they accusing you of?"

I remained silent. 

"(Y/N)? Tell me."

"I-I can't...sir." I hung my head, avoiding his piercing blue eyes that seemed to stare right through my lies. Erwin furrowed his eyebrows and leaned forward in his chair, folding his hands neatly on the table.

"(Y/N), I have a rule for more personal matters with Scouts. Have you heard of the Vegas rule?" He asked me in a kind manner. I lifted just my eyes and slowly nodded. 

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?" 

"That's right. I use the same rule for things similar to this. I need you to understand that whatever is said within these four walls, stays between you and I." I said nothing, waiting for him to continue. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. Well, it's not as if I liked my job anyway. The pay might've been good, but the issues with other people ruled over the money. "Do you understand (Y/N)?" I sniffled quietly and nodded my head.

"Yes sir." I whispered in a choked out voice.

"Good. Now tell me." I finally lifted my head all the way, still avoiding his authoritative gaze. I kept opening and closing my mouth to speak, unsure of how exactly to tell him I wasn't female. In frustration, I let out a stressed groan and slammed my head down on the desk. Instead of trying to hold the tears in, I finally just let them pour onto the wooden surface. I heard Erwin's breathing hitch for a moment before returning to normal.

"(Y/N)? Are you alright?" He questioned as he hovered his hand above my back, confused about why I was breaking down like this.

"No!! I'm not alright, Commander fucking Eyebrows!! I hate myself, I hate my job, and I hate everybody here!! And you know what, they all hate me too because I'm, quote from one of YOUR squad members, 'a little fucking queer!!' I! Hate! THIS!!" I snapped back. His eyes widened and his hand retracted back to his side of the desk. 

"Woah, okay, calm down. What do you mean by queer?" He asked me. I lifted my tear stained face up and tried to clench my quivering lip. I inhaled deeply, held it in for a few seconds, then blew it out just as slowly.

"I-I didn't want you to know...I'm s-so sorry, I really am." I whimpered, knowing what he'd say next. I was fired before he even said it.

"Sorry for what?" 

"I-I'm...not...a-a female..." I managed to choke out through my tears. Erwin didn't say anything. He was probably still trying to take in those words. He was letting the sentence sink in so he could scream at me and punish me for lying on my application.

"(Y/N)..."

"I'm really sorry! I know I-"

"I know you aren't." I opened my eyes. I hadn't even noticed they were shut in the first place, but whatever.

"Wha-? How?" He smiled gently at me and laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"Well...one day you and I were talking. Unintentionally, I...glanced down, and you had a bit of a...'situation.'

"Oh my god! I-, oh this is embarrassing sir." I stumbled out. I knew I had one of those stupid 'spontaneous boners' that day, but I didn't think Erwin saw it!

"No, no, don't be embarrassed. You haven't had the transition surgery yet?" He inquired in a curious tone. Wait, so he wasn't actually pissed off about it? Unless he was bluffing...anyway, I decided to just go along with it.

"N-No, I've been measuring the pros and cons of it..." I responded softly. Erwin nodded understandingly.

"I see. Are you taking testosterone blockers?"

"Yes."

"Okay, well, I'll need to monitor you closely, just to make sure they don't affect you in battle. But it'll just stay between us, okay?" I nodded and smiled, then raised my right pinky up to him.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?" I asked him with a cheeky smile. He chuckled and hooked his larger pinky on mine, meeting my (E/C) orbs. Now, his eyes weren't so threatening. Instead, they were soft and full of compassion.

"Always."

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and best danchou award goes tooooo...eruvin smisu