🖤Hate How I Love You🖤

674 19 7
                                    

don't do drugs kids🍍✨

and also um...yeah🙂

**********************

[dream...]

"Y/N!!!" My brother reached out to me, despite being in the hand of a 8 meter titan. I looked back from my horse and widened my eyes. In an instant, I readied my ODM gear and shot the hooks into the titan's skin. They pierced in, sending me flying through the air.

"Don't worry B/N! I'm coming!!" I screamed back. As I began to wield my blades, however, a hand reached and grabbed me, pulling me away. I attempted to struggle out of the grip, but it was of no use. 

"We have orders to keep moving, no matter who dies!" The person finally revealed themselves as Erwin. I scoffed and kicked him as hard as I could. I didn't even care that he was my superior, all I cared about was saving my brother. 

"B/N!!" I shouted, only to see him getting thrown into the mouth of the titan. I quickly backed up, feeling as Erwin once again grabbed me and pulled me away. I let out a pained scream, I felt as if portions of me had been ripped into pieces. 

"WHY?! I COULD'VE SAVED HIM!!!" I hollered at Erwin, who only gritted his teeth and remained silent. 

.

.

"Huh!?" I exclaimed as I swiftly sat up in a cold sweat. My breathing was sporadic, uneven, and ragged.

"Another nightmare. That's three this week?" I grumbled as I looked to the side of me. My hookup laid beside me, still sound asleep. He snored softly and readjusted his pillow. I sighed and stood up, almost losing my balance. Checking the time, I confirmed that it was two in the morning. My uniform was scattered on the floor. Not wanting to get fully dressed for a walk, I just grabbed my button-down shirt, boxers, white pants, and my sweater.

After getting dressed, I silently crept out of my bedroom and shut the door. I'm sure whoever that guy was could take care of himself. 

The halls of the Scouting Regiment HQ were surprisingly quiet. Well, it was 2am. I didn't expect it to be buzzing with activity. But down the hall some, the light in the kitchen was on. Probably Sasha. 

"Whoever is in there, I suggest going back go bed before Erwin finds you." I called out as I approached the room. I heard a chuckle within the room. I furrowed my brows and walked into the room to find none other than the commander himself.

"Am I in trouble Lieutenant?" He sarcastically asked. I rolled my eyes, opened a cabinet, and starting rifling through the snacks. 

"The chain of command says no." I replied absentmindedly. 

"Midnight munchies huh?" 

"Mhm." Honestly, I didn't really like Erwin, so I tried to keep the conversation to a minimum with him. After all, it was his fault my brother died. Hiding my rage was easy, not acting on it was difficult. 

"You're awfully quiet. Another nightmare?" He spoke up. I looked up at him, shocked. I didn't tell anyone about the nightmares...

"How'd you know...?"

"I've heard you sleeptalking about your brother, B/N." I cringed when he said my brother's name. He said it without a care in the world, as if he didn't regret killing him. 

"You better not say anything." I warned him. He shook his head and sat down at the table.

"I won't." I nodded. Erwin is many things, but a liar isn't one of them. Hateful? Absolutely. Untrustworthy? No. It was a weird thing with him. 

He heavily sighed and looked down at his hands on the table. He bit the inside of his cheek, yet still remained silent. I kept him within my peripheral vision as I moved to the refrigerator. Right on the top shelf, there was some fresh sushi. Just the thing to satisfy my hunger.

"You know, I regret every single one." He suddenly broke the silence as I sat down with my newly claimed sushi.

"Hmm?" I replied as I opened the container and ate a roll.

"Every soldier I've sent to their deaths. All the men and women who mindlessly followed me in battle until their deaths. I sometimes wonder why they did." He explained with a shameful look.

"People have to feed their families somehow." 

"There's so many other jobs within these walls."

"Maybe they want to pursue the truth. They want that freedom that was taken from us." Erwin finally looked up at me in surprise just as I stuffed my face with another sushi roll. Damn, it was delicious as hell...

"You enjoying yourself over there?" He snickered, I nodded and swallowed my bite loudly. 

"Oh yeah. Whoever left this in the fridge should feel sorry for themselves for not eating it quicker." I replied with a smile. 

"You must hate me huh?" He randomly said. I looked around the room awkwardly. Is this guy bipolar or something?

"Obviously. That was random."

"Well you seem friendly with me now." Now it was my turn to be surprised. What was he trying to play at..?

"Well...I-...I'm not sure how to reply to that." 

"A reply isn't necessary." He stood up and began to walk out of the room. But before he got too far down the hall, he leaned in the doorway and smiled softly at me.

"Your blushing face is your reply." With that, he walked back out. I widened my eyes and felt my face, I definitely was blushing. But why!? I quickly stood and ran out of the room, stopping Erwin on the staircase.

"O-Okay! Fine, maybe I am...b-blushing."

"And now stuttering."

"Shut up! Look, I've been feeling it for a while now, but it doesn't change what you did! I hate how I love you, but I suppose...I don't have a choice." Tears welled up in my eyes as I confessed. Its true, I did love him, I always have, but the rage and guilt overpowered it. Denying it was the only thing that worked for me. 

"None of us really have a choice, do we? I'm sorry." He whispered as he took my hand in his. I thought he would've pulled me closer, but instead he planted a soft kiss on my knuckles and let me go. I bit my tongue, holding back my tears.

"E-Erwin, um, kiss me maybe?" I dramatically batted my eyelashes, jokingly trying to act like those girls who always flirted with him. He chuckled and grabbed my hand again, this time pulling me closer to him. With a movement so gentle, he planted a loving peck on my lips. Even if it was for a second, the bliss was immeasurable.

"That's it?" I asked once the fluttery feeling had passed, but Erwin was already halfway up the staircase.

"You'll get much more tomorrow." I saw in the dark how he winked down at me. I scoffed and smiled. 

That was weird, I thought to myself. 

Weird, but enjoyable.

************************

ummmm...ok lol






Erwin Smith x Reader OneshotsWhere stories live. Discover now