Cover- Right off the bat, I was intrigued, if not slightly scared! You chose the perfect photo for the cover. However, it isn't perfect, and here are some things I noticed.
1. The neck thingie- This isn't too big of a thing, but I noticed that it had different shadings than the picture of the girl. In the bottom right corner of the choker thing, there's a chunk of light hitting which contrasts to where the shadows should hit.
2. The bruises- This is really good. I couldn't tell whether you photoshopped it on or if it was on the girl in the picture. If you placed the bruises yourself, they're included nicely. Well done!
3. The text- I see that you are using more than two fonts, and this is generally a no-no. When you have a bunch of different fonts, it makes the cover look cluttered and busy. Maybe try to play around and see if you can have alternating texts.
What I mean by this is to have the first and the last words (His and Forever) in one font and the second (Hostage) in a different font. I think it might look really cool if the first and last words were in that script font that you used for 'his.' However, this is just a stylistic suggestion. Overall, I really like the cover, even though it kinda creeps me out hahaha!
Title- I think it encapsulates the story well, from my first impression. If I have anything to add about the cover after I read the chapter, I'll add it in a paragraph below this.
Blurb- Every blurb needs to be able to describe the plot of the book without revealing too much or giving any spoilers. I feel like the blurb you have now hints at what your book will be about, but it does not include anything that it should.
Blurbs should have a general plot outline, the main character's name, at least, and a hint about the setting.
First impression- Do you change POVs throughout the book? From glancing through the chapter a little bit, I see that you wrote the first part as an info dump from an 'outside perspective.' Change this. I would advise you to skip to the next chapter's review (paranormalfanfics' one) and read up on what I advised her about her first chapter, the hook-line-sinker method.
I already see some grammar mistakes, but I think those can be edited out when you go back later, eh?
Setting- The only thing I really found that you described in great detail was the mystery boy behind the girl MC. I feel like a lot of this chapter is telling the readers what you should be showing them.
For example, when you talk about the college hostel, you can describe the background, the building itself, the people around, etc. Is the place clean? Is it dirty? Tell us through some imagery and details!
I struggled a lot with description in my book a few years ago. I had no idea how to include imagery seamlessly, but what really helped me was taking a picture from Google of how I imagined something to look and describing it. Let me show you.
Random picture from Google:
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How I'd describe it:
"The building itself had a fairly new exterior with a stylish red brick siding. Balconies climbed up each floor like vines to a lattice, and paneled windows were plastered haphazardly according to the designer's desire. A few people emerged from the entrance dressed in yoga pants and carried brightly colored mats.
"Before we entered the building, I glanced up, observing the bleak grey of the sky. It was almost like a harbinger for the danger to come."
I hope that kinda helped you a bit to see what I was talking about in action. This method does truly work, and if you keep practicing, you'll master it in no time!
The only thing I truly gathered from the chapter in the setting department is that she attends university and is going to live in a hostel.
Plot- The plot has not yet been established in the first chapter, but this is nothing to fret over because you've established a conflict between Blake and Melissa.
I did get creepy vibes the way you described Blake, so I commend you greatly for this. I assume that the plot will be established in later chapters.
Other comments- When you include a flashback in your works, it should be italicized. This will help to avoid writing out "end of flashback" and similar phrases that will break the fourth wall.
I would highly advise going back and editing thoroughly. Your grammar detracts from the meaning of the words in the story, and at some points, I got confused. There are a ton of great, free grammar guides on the internet.
Grammarly's extension, for one, is my go-to because you can use it on just about any app. In addition to on-the-spot grammar fixes, they have an 'English Grammar Handbook that you can visit for free. I'll link it over here if you want to check it out:
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Thank you greatly for applying to this review shop. I hope that I mentioned some things that can help you and your writing in the future. All the best!
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