Turtle Rock Review Shop

~~~#16- The Plan (Revisiting), @angiexvi

I really hope this review will help you. I went back to look at the first review I had given you, and this one might be a bit harsher. Only come to read this chapter when you are ready for the feedback.  

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User- @angiexvi

Book- The Plan

Genre- Historical Fiction

Link to the book --------------->

Cover- I really like the background picture. I think it suits the time period... although, the girl's dress isn't of the time. In the 1880s, a lot of the women had bustles and ruffled skirts... not to mention very high necklines. It would be something of a fashion faux pas to wear an off-the-shoulder dress during this era. Although the bustles had slimmed out into small padding, they were still there. I can't really speak for the man, but the off-the-shoulder dresses were really prominent in the early to mid-1800s. Sorry if this is really nitpicky, but I'm all about historical accuracy when it comes to costuming... I'm a fashion designer.

I really like the flourish above and below the text. I think that adds to the historical fiction theme present in your book. The text is a little bit hard to see, but I think it might be fixed with a box behind it? I'm not one for cover design, but I believe that a box can hide the woman's dress, as well as fix the text problem.

Title- I assume the title relates to Anastasia's plan to take action against her father... the only problem here is, I don't think the blurb does the title justice. I'll touch on the blurb down below, but for now, I think you can probably describe her plan so the reader will have an idea of what they're jumping into in the blurb to accompany your title.

Blurb- I believe I mentioned this the last time I reviewed your book, but you need to write your blurb in present tense. There is no debate here. Present tense should always be used when you are describing your book, whether it be in a blurb, summary, or pitchline.

I think you could really work on your blurb. It doesn't tell the reader much about the plot other than that there will be a betrayal from daughter to father. I'm going to link a few resources to better your blurb-writing, and I hope they'll help you in your future endeavors:

https://blog.kotobee.com/book-blurb

https://blog.reedsy.com/write-blurb-novel/

https://www.editage.com/info/book-editing-services/articles/the-five-S-of-blurb-writing-check-these-5-awesome_tips.html 

First impression- Wow, the opening lines were very philosophical. They give the reader a hint of who the MC is and one of her opinions (that good people always have bad things happen to them), which helps the audience be able to connect to her brain and her thoughts. Note that I only skimmed the two chapters before, but I have to say that including the characters' portraits was a very nice touch.

Characters- Oh! I see that Queen Charlotte of GB was a real person... Isn't this book set in the 1890s? Queen Charlotte died in 1818... I think it would suit your purposes best if you make up a name for the MC's mother. Someone versed well in Euro history might be confused at this mention of Queen Charlotte.

Plot- I know the main character talks about the ball later in the evening... but I would have thought that it would open up there. You are a really talented writer. I mean it. You have a lot of potential, but in this chapter, I just don't see it. The first chapter should always open up where the conflict is. The first chapter of a Wattpad book needs to properly introduce conflict, whether it's at the beginning, middle, or end of the chapter. We haven't even met King Edward, and the whole book seems to be about Ani overthrowing his rule.

Setting- I hate to break it to you... but Spain in the 1800s? Not a country any other place would wanna be messing with. All of their colonies were revolting against the mother country. The US was striking up the Spanish-American war... that Spain lost. They ended up ceding Cuba and some other small islands. Needless to say, I don't think Spain's economy during this time was the best.

I think you might want to do some research on the setting and the time period before you put any more pen to paper. It's really hard to edit out historical inaccuracies, so just be careful. Another option you have instead of research is creating a fantasy world and made-up countries for the setting.

From what I remember from the last time I read your book, your imagery has improved, especially during the garden scene. Well done!

Other comments-

The opening has a lot of information that the reader does not need at the moment. We don't need to know about Spain or Prince Charles until you actually introduce his character, maybe at the party later?

Readers are going to forget this information that you've conveniently plopped at their feet. A rule of thumb for giving explanation and backstory is that if you can't keep up with what you wrote, chances are, neither will your reader.

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Again, I feel like I need to repeat that you are a writer with a lot of potential, so don't feel discouraged by this review. You're still a new writer with a lot to learn, so don't get too frustrated and quit writing. All you need is a little practice and research, and then, I think your works will shine. 

Thank you for applying to the shop, and I'm truly sorry if the review wasn't what you were looking for. I hope I wasn't too harsh. Since you've already completed payment twice, you're more than welcome to apply whenever you'd like without having to complete it again. Thanks for letting me critique your work!