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User- @Amatullahwritesfic
Book- I've Befriended the Devil
Genre- Fiction
Link to the book --------------->
Cover: I love your cover! It has the detective, who is your main character, your name is very visible on the page, and the fonts are amazing for a mystery/thriller kind of novel! One thing I would like to point out is that your story is titled 'I've befriended the devil'. However, the cover just says 'I've Befriended Devil', missing the 'the' in your title. Just a thing I noticed! I also like how your cover gives off a sort of Fantasy look to it too!
It'll attract all sorts of people from an initial look, I think. However, anothing part I want to mention is that the 'devil' she has befriended is not on the cover. That might have been your choice, and I completely respect that! It's just a thing I want to mention. Sometimes, a little hint at the secondary character is a nice addition.
Title: I love your title. "I've Befriended the Devil" seems to be perfectly fitting with not only your cover, but your blurb and your first chapter as well. So, nothing else to say about that! Blurb: Your blurb is relatively short. This may be because you like shorter blurbs and want it to be like that, or because you didn't know what to write. I like how you added the two characters and how their lives intertwine, as well as the question at the end, to keep the reader engaged! Some quick things I want to point out are that the first line has a simple grammatical error. Where you say 'two unknowingly relatives meet....', the unknowingly is misused in that area. It should be 'two long lost relatives' or 'two separated' or 'ripped apart' relatives meet again. Also, right at the end where you ask the question, there's a period after the question mark. I think that this blurb is promising, but you can add more adjectives! More things about how strategic and sharp the serial killer is, or how desperate the detective may be! All of this adds to the spice and excitement of the reader! More people read the blurb than you think.
Characters:So you introduced both the main characters (I think) Cassidy Jones and James Matt in the very first chapter. This may have been your way of keeping the plot quick, and I understand that! However, some background information about Cassidy's life may be important for the reader to understand. I love how you show inner thought and character actions to define characterization instead of simply describing! I think that's one of your strengths!
Cassidy never likes questioning people, and gets scared. Your reader may wonder, why is someone so scared, a detective? Maybe show some other traits! Or else the character may not be fit for her profession. James Matt, the serial killer, must be a very complex character, and I like how you introduced his character through his excess knowledge about Cassidy, and her being exceptionally scared of him. However, some things can be added, I feel, about his mindset, or maybe even his own feelings, if anything? There was not much about his character in the chapter, other than that he is a serial killer. Otherwise, I think your characters are great, complex and mysterious!
Setting: You didn't focus as much on the setting in the first chapter as introducing the plot, and that's okay because it wasn't necessary. You weren't bringing us into an entirely new world, so as much description was not necessary. I think some setting-set-up would be cool once she enters the cell, but that's your writing style, and if you don't want to include that much, it wouldn't make that much of a difference.
Plot: Okay, so for your plot, this story is interesting, and very fast-paced and intriguing. There is a fair amount of it included in your first chapter, what with James Matt knowing this much about a fairly introverted Cassidy, it also being her parents' murder anniversary.The plot is very much furthered, however, with a backstory, or at least some details about their life, especially with James Matt. He's a serial killer, so maybe add some things about how ruthless he is, or his victims, even in Cassidy's inner thoughts? This would make him seem more of a dangerous character, which would, in turn, make his knowledge of Cassidy that much more creepier! Only if you want to, and these are just suggestions for the future!
Other Stuff: There are areas where your grammar is off, composed of comma splices, and often adding words where they are not necessary, or vice versa, as well as tensing switches There are also some areas where your sentences are not capitalized. Nothing that's too hard not to correct however! As long as you know which areas to focus on, reading out loud really helps! Does the sentence sound smooth? Does it sound right to you? If it doesn't, it probably isn't. The plot sounds interesting, definitely a great idea! Some editing, especially with grammar, as well as some backstory and life additions and character tweaks would make it an amazingly smooth-sailing story! Thank you!
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