Turtle Rock Review Shop

~~~#12- No Matter What, @paranormalfanfics

Here's your review, and I hope it helps!

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User- @paranormalfanfics

Book- No Matter What

Genre- Sci-Fi

Link to the book ---------------> 

Cover- I see that someone else has done your cover, and they did a good job overall. Props to them! However, I have a few issues with the text on the cover.

A few reviews back, I talked about the dangers of using certain fonts in white, and your book falls under this. Whenever someone uses a thin/small font in white, it often makes it hard for the reader to pick out. This is especially true for the bottom text; I have no idea what it says. 

Something that can usually help is adding a shadow to the back of the text, but here, I don't think this would work here. You'll either have to size it up or change the font to make it bolder. 

For the title itself, I like the way each word is shifted. It's cute and very modern. 

Last thing—what is the significance of the picture below the girl? It looks like lanterns, but I'm not sure. Maybe this will be cleared up once I start reading. 

Title- I assumed, at first glance, that this was a romance based on the title alone. It does not convey 'sci-fi' to me. Instead, this sounds like something that would be about a typical Wattpad romance centered around a toxic relationship. 

Since your book is centered around genetic engineering and the effects of that on people, I would try to change the title into something that will fit that theme better. 

Blurb- Your blurb definitely serves the purpose of intriguing the reader. It's short, succinct, and to the point. It's a bit short, however. Although, for Wattpad, shorter is better, so good job here! People usually don't want to read long blurbs.

From my observations of reviewing, most people start their blurbs with their main character's names, so maybe try rewording the first sentence to be a bit more original? Not that I can talk, because mine are like this too!

First impression- Now I'm finally opening up the book. 

You know, people always tell me that I'd make a great teacher because I'm really good at spotting things like plagiarism, grammar errors, and punctuation and kindly providing feedback on these things. One time, I even spotted a girl who copied my friend's essay and ran it through a word changer/summarizer!

The point of me saying this is because I want to let you know that I will try my best to help you identify any issues in this chapter. :)

I don't ever read prologues in any review because it usually isn't necessary to the plot, so note that I did not read yours (fully) either. I read the first line, and I noticed something to point out to you because it also happens in the first chapter.

The first sentence already has a punctuation mistake: my should not be capitalized because the speaker is referring to her as the one communicating dialogue. However, if you had just 'Mother asked' after the line of dialogue, you would capitalize 'mother' since it is being used as a proper noun. 

Enough about that. Now to the actual first chapter.

The first line of a book is often supposed to be gripping. The technique I'm referring to is the 'hook, line, sinker' method. 

1. You 'hook' the reader with a line that may seem contrasting or is weird. For example, John Green's The Fault in our Stars starts with the MC talking about his mother thinking that he is depressed. This raises many questions— Is he depressed? Why does his mother think he's depressed? In the same line, the MC says that he spends a lot of time thinking about death. As a reader, you may wonder... why is that? 

2. Form a connection, or 'reel' them in further. Now that you've grabbed a reader's attention, it's time to tell them why they should keep reading. Again referencing John Green, after the first line, the narrator then begins to explain his own experiences with death, and how it relates to him.  

3. Sink the readers in. Make them catch feels. Why should they care about your character? Your character doesn't have to be likable, but they must feel real and relatable to a reader. 

Your first line, in my opinion, doesn't hook me into the text. You do a good job explaining why the MC doesn't want to move, but I don't feel that strong pull to keep reading. Honestly, your last line probably should have been your first. It's a lot stronger and provides the intrigue to keep a reader going. 

When the MC starts talking about her pills, I begin to feel empathy for her, which is good.

Characters- Hold on a sec... this kid is Generation Alpha? So, she's 11? Because that's the oldest that she can possibly be if she is in the Alpha generation. 

A lot of the 'generation' references are very misinformed. There's a whole generation between 'millenial' and 'boomer,' which is Generation X. It's highly improbable that a man would look like he was 30 and 60 at the same time. I would advise doing research or leaving 'generation' information out of the text. Instead, the MC can estimate the man's age. 

Plot- I'm not gonna lie to you. A lot of this chapter seemed unnecessary. You introduce the MC, sure, but... what's going on? I thought this book was about genetic mutations and cute romances? You just described a person's day here.

Setting- A new town in New Jersey?

Other comments- 

You do A LOT of telling in your story. Instead of saying what happens, show the reader. If it's something you can't show them, then don't include it, because, more than likely, it's not necessary information for them to know. 

You also switch tenses a few times. Watch out for that when editing. 

The last thing I need to address is the 'talking heads.' This is where you have dialogue with no action tags. Actions can tell a reader a lot about a character. Do they fidget? They might have anxiety. Do they hide in their hoodie a lot? They might be depressed. 

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Thanks for applying for a review, and I hope it helped you identify some things to work on. :)

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