Turtle Rock Review Shop

~~~ #20- Komoreby, @SuVida777

Here's your review! I read the prologue and the first two chapters since I know that you read more of The Donut Shop than you had to (I think it was five chapters?). If you want me to go back and review a few more chapters at a later date, just let me know, free of charge!

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User- @SuVida777

Book- Komoreby

Genre- Sci-fi

Link to the book --------------->

I just wanna start off by saying that I had seen your book everywhere when I started entering contests and review shops on Wattpad. Hell, I've already read the first chapter of your book (before this review, that is).

Cover- Usually I start off judging covers by my first impression, but I actually read your blurb after glancing at the cover. Your cover looks very artsy and tasteful overall. You also include important elements of the story, like the main character's description from the blurb and the snaking vines to show that Komoreby is a green city. However, I can't figure out what the background is. To me, it looks like something concrete. Maybe try a different background that hints at the conflict? Although, this looks digitally drawn... if it can't be changed, then I think it suits your story well.

Title- Okay, I have to ask the burning question... how do you pronounce it? Komoreby is a name that I had never read or heard of until I picked up your book. In fact, when I first saw your book on an awards winner list, I thought they spelled your book name wrong until I clicked on your profile and saw it. With all that to say, I think your title is unique. You definitely don't have to worry about someone ripping your title because if they do, you'll know it's plagiarism. Personally, I picked the book up because of the name, and I think others, like me, will too.

Blurb- Your blurb is very descriptive and tells the reader what they are in store for without giving away anything too revealing. I also like how you give aesthetics that match with the themes of your book at the bottom of the blurb so that the reader knows what to expect.

Something that I'd usually advise against is using a pronoun for a character before introducing who they are in the blurb. So, for the first line, introduce the MC first to get it out of the way. That way, the reader has not only the place to visualize, but also the character, before you jump into the specifics. Although, I'd play around with this and see if you could fit it into the first line. If you can't get it to flow, then leave as is.

Last thing about the blurb—Since the new system and navigating it is essential for the plot, I would give this more than just a paragraph. Elaborate on this: what kind of draconian system? What specifically is she battling to get back home?

First impression- Opening the book now. I usually don't read prologues, but I read your note to judges and decided that I wanted to see for myself the intensity and the mundaneness. I didn't think the prologue was very intense, to be frank. I thought it gave the right amount of information to the reader to make them curious about what is going to happen in the first chapter.

The first line of the first chapter doesn't really appeal to me as a reader. A lot of books start off with a 'waking up' scene, so I wasn't very intrigued by this one.

I see that you use the word 'treacle' to describe syrup, but with a quick Google search, I see that this has British roots. I remember in one of your opening chapters explaining the grammar, you said that this was meant to be American English, so I just wanted to alert you of this. You can still use this word, but maybe explain what treacle is to the readers.

Something that I like at the beginning of the opening chapter is your descriptions, especially when you talk about the setting. Even the imagery describing Evanna's aunt is beautiful. The way you illustrate Evanna's high school? Chefs kiss. That... that's some powerful imagery and skills that I need to work up to. No wonder you honed in on my measly descriptions in my book!

Characters- Ooh! I think the characters have to be one of the best aspects of your story. I can definitely see some potential conflict between Anukie and Evanna in the future with how much Nooks has changed. I think you do a great job representing both characters in the first chapter. The way Evanna feels like she has to conform to the beauty ideals of Kom High really portray the feeling that young girls have to be girly to be popular and fit in.
I can just feel the condescending energy radiating off of Ollie and Sara when Evie sits with them at lunch. I feel like this is somewhat the same in Nooks, but instead of displaying a thinly-veiled form of disgust, she tries to "fix" Evanna by giving her a dress to wear for the party.

I'm really excited to see how you will expand Anukie's character to show more depth on what she thinks of the system she's worked her way up to the top in.

Marilda seems really nice... and is it wrong of me to hope that Evie and her will end up together? I'm curious about her character!

Plot- I think, although the beginning might feel a bit slow, it works for your book. It gives the readers a chance to adapt to the fictional world of Komoreby and the high school setting before being jerked into action and having to race to catch up.

You drop small bits of foreshadowing that the reader can tell will lead to something more (later conflict with Nook's trio) at the party with the girl, Genelle. I feel really bad for her! But at the same time, I understand not being able to speak up about injustice in a new setting.

By the end of the second chapter, I knew that your foreshadowing had paid off. Man, those girls are ruthless. The hazing is too intense! (but good for the story)

Setting- I think you already know that I'm going to say that your descriptions are perfect. They give imagery that the reader needs to picture the scene without seeming unnecessary.

Other comments- You use a lot of em dashes in your chapters. Not all of the places that have em dashes are necessary. When you go back to edit, ask yourself if the em dash in that context (where it is) is necessary. Here is a really good guide that helped me figure out the usage of em dashes if you want to use it for reference: https://www.thepunctuationguide.com/em-dash.html

AH! Finally, someone who knows that it's "hair's breadth" and not "hare's breath" or "hair's breath." You have no idea how confusing that is for Americans in my class!

I found myself really enjoying this chapter, and I'm not saying that just to fluff you up. Your descriptions are so pretty and make for a good, casual read.

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Overall, this was a pretty good read. I wasn't even aware how long the chapters were until I finished the first one. Despite the cheesy opening (the wake-up scene), I think this book was a twist on the cliche high school books in regards to the setting.

If you have any questions/comments/concerns about the review, please contact me!