Turtle Rock Review Shop

~~~ #24- Throne of Dragonix, @Baqkns

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User- Baqkns

Book- Throne of Dragonix

Genre- Fantasy

Link to the book --------------->

Cover- 

I really like the background picture you use for the background. I think the elements you add at the bottom really give the cover a bit of a pop. It especially blends well with the font of the title that you use and the shading of the text. 

At first glance at your cover, a reader wouldn't be able to read the little pitch line at the top of the cover. There's too much text and the font is too big/hard to read on the cover. It makes the whole graphic seem busy. 

I see what you were going for with the author's name, but it looks a bit off-kilter and not completely in the center. I think it would serve the cover better to take out the text at the top entirely and replace that portion with the author's name. 

The font of the author's name is also a bit odd. It doesn't match with the grave tone of the rest of the cover. Have you tried using the same font from the title on the author's name? I think this might help with the tonal issues. 

Title-

Looking at your title, I was intrigued to find out more about your book. I had the main question, 'What is a Dragonix?' as a reader, which is good. You do a good job at making the reader curious to find out more. 

Blurb-

For the first quote you have in the blurb, I think the last part, 'fear and confusion,' should be separated from the first part of the sentence with some sort of punctuation. If I were you, I would probably use an em dash just to avoid having more quotation marks than needed. 

In the second paragraph, the one that starts with "Dragonix faces...", you use a similar formatting to the first paragraph, which makes the section seem a little bit too repetitive.

The third paragraph is a bit confusing because of the wording. It's a bit lengthy and hard to keep track of. What are you trying to say here?

After reading your blurb, I'm still confused about what exactly Dragonix is. Is it a place? Is it a country? Is it a company? You need to specify this in the blurb so your reader has an idea of what they are jumping into when reading.

For this next section of blurb review, I'm going to be pointing out specific things that are gramatically incorrect. 

1. emperor. but,

There shouldn't be a period after 'emperor.' Instead, try a comma or capitalize the 'but.'

2. revolution you

Comma after 'revolution.'

3. age old

There should be an en dash between 'age' and 'old.' 

With a few rewrites, I think your blurb has potential.

Characters-

As a general rule-of-thumb, I never read prologues, so know that I did not read yours.

I think Ignia's character comes off a little bratty in the beginning, like a toddler throwing a temper-tantrum. I'm not sure if this is what you're going for. Is it? I feel like maybe you were trying for a more rebellious, adult-like vibe. 

If this is what you were going for, a lot of Ignia's dialogue can be reworked to show this better. 

I also think that more action could be shown through this chapter. It all felt very stagnant at a point, and all I was reading was dialogue and conversation, I enjoy the little snippet you include of Ignia pacing around at the smell of flowers. 

Iian and Ignia's relationship could be a little bit more subtle. I don't think it's necessary right here to mention that they are childhood friends. It might come as a bit more of a shock if it is later since right now, Ignia and Iian seem to hate each other.

Setting-

I enjoy the little snippet of the world that I got to see as a reader that you have created. I think the idea of clans is very common in adolescent fantasy, but not as much in adult fantasy, so I appreciate you mixing this element to make it more mature. 

Your descriptions describing the scene itself throughout the chapter need a little work, but i appreciate the effort you put in near the beginning to describe the room. 

Other comments-

The second sentence needs a comma, and you have a typo here.

"Ignia furiously followed the voice to her mother." Is Ignia a male or female character? You use 'he/him' pronouns in the rest of the chapter.  

You also have a few comma splices. I would advise reading the last section of review #9 in this book.

There were a few instances where the characters' dialogue sounded forced and unnatural, or didn't make any sense. A tip for when you write dialogue is to read it aloud. If it sounds normal to your ears, then you're good. If it sounds wonky, change it.

In the last part of the chapter, when Iian is introduced, you head-hop and change to her POV by describing her feelings. When you begin to write a chapter, stick to one point-of-view. Otherwise, the reader will experience what is similar to whiplash and might be confused.

What I would advise is going through and editing. I think that would help the most with the readers' understanding of the story.

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Thank you for letting me review your book. I think with a lot of good work, your book can live up to its potential and wow your readers. If you would like some more feedback, I would like to work with you some more, so please message me if you would like this.