𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡.

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫? | 𝐞&𝐫

"Richie, I want to know what happened with your ex." Eddie said, before he could stop himself.

Richie felt panic rise in his chest, and then looked at Eddie, a bit too quickly. "Uh... why?" He asked Eddie, who looked back.

"Richie, I..." Eddie trailed off a bit, weighing his options. "Just tell me. I'm curious." Eddie said innocently. He knew the look Richie was giving him, he'd become all too familiar with it - this clearly wasn't the best thing to happen conversationally, but Eddie didn't know if he could carry on without knowing. Richie's brought it up before, but those moments were too intense for Eddie to take it all in. He felt like he'd missed out on an entire chapter of Richie's life - he just needed to go back and catch up on a few pages. He didn't even know where he'd placed the book mark precisely.

"I'm sorry if it's a rough subject. I don't wanna impede." Eddie said. He knew what he was doing - he had to remain apologetic, innocent and sheepish. That would guilt Richie into telling him. It wasn't as malicious as it sounded - it was a good enough method to get things out of people without sounding too nosy.

Lighten the topic with an attempt at humor.

"You look great right now by the way, shitty closet lighting is doing wonders for you." Eddie said dryly, in a sarcastic tone.

Richie laughed a bit. "Shut up," he said playfully. "I know what you're doing."

"What am I doing?" Eddie said, his eyes brightening and his shoulders shrugging.

"Nevermind," Richie said, sitting up. He knew Eddie was the type of person to keep pushing for a reaction, and looking for information in every facet of people's lives. It was, albeit, an admirable trait in some cases, but not in the situation. Richie wanted a straightforward answer - no mind games, no needless stories, no digging for information - but honesty. Transparency.

"I'd like it if you answered my question." Richie said calmly. "Do you want to be with me? Or do you not?"

Eddie leaned in closer to Richie. "I promise I'll answer you if you tell me what happened. I know it's probably not an easy thing to talk about, but I just need to know. It's not gonna change the way I feel about you - I'm not sure what will." Eddie continued. He wasn't going to stop until he was satisfied, and both of them knew that. He always got what he wanted, in some way or another.

Richie let out a prolonged sigh. "It's not really something that I talk about." He said quieter, but still trying to stay firm in his position and calm. No reaction, no explosion. Give him straightforward answers and he won't press as hard.

"You can trust me." Eddie said, trying to get Richie to look back into his eyes. Richie finally looked back, and conceded.

He was quiet for a few seconds at first.

"Before I tell you, please understand that I know it's my fault. I know I can be overbearing, and can overreact sometimes. I'm working on it." Richie began.

Eddie looked up for a split second, then back down."Okay..." He said, confused.

"We were about to go to a party." Richie saw the apartment in his head for a moment, and instantly pushed the visualization further back in his mind. "I was fucked up. Like, high out of my mind. And I promised him I'd quit already, which, obviously, was a lie." Richie's facial expression changed, and Eddie looked a bit concerned.

"I said some things. I don't exactly remember. He said some things back. Jesus christ, I was mad. Extremely angry at him, myself, and the world." Richie broke contact, and retreated back to glaring at the tiles. "He's the one who gave me the drugs. He was 18, I was sixteen."

"Wait." Eddie said, making Richie jump from the sudden change in demeanor. "You told me you gave him the drugs.-"

"I know." Richie said sharply, cutting off Eddie.

"But that's not what you just said." Eddie interjected.

"I know that's not what I told you, I lied to you." Richie continued.

"What? Why did you lie to me?"

"I know I haven't been honest with you, and for that I'm sorry, but right now I'm telling you the truth and the whole truth. Can I continue?" Richie looked at Eddie sternly, and he nodded.

"He pointed a gun at me. His gun." Richie choked up a bit, but regained his composure. "And yes, it was loaded, because he fired two warning shots straight through the wall. He didn't have that gun to bluff, he had it with the intent to kill me."

Eddie leaned in more, feeling sick.

"So, I, like an idiot, try to find something to defend myself, and naturally, that fails, because I forgot I was clumsy apparently. At this point he's confirming that he's going to kill me. He's talking to me in the most..." Richie takes a breath. "Horrible way. I've never had anyone disrespect me just like that. I threaten to turn him in, and I take the easy way out."

...

"Meaning?' Eddie says, with a quivering voice.

"I shot him, Eddie. I shot him six times and I remember each one. Vividly." Richie said, the reminder bringing him more anger. Eddies eyes widen and he sits up more against the wall. "I couldn't turn him in, because, we know I talk a lot of shit but I'm a pussy. So I killed him. I killed him and I got rid of the body. Do you know what that makes me?" At this moment, Richie doesn't show what he's feeling. He sits in the silent and absorbs it, feeling Eddie's eyes.

"Someone acting in self defense." Eddie says.

"I don't know how many times I can keep doing this, Eds. At a certain point, it's not just self defense. I don't know how I can keep getting away with this and I'm scared it's gonna catch up to me."

"Do you know that you were being manipulated?" Eddie said, giving the moment's silence a rest.

Richie doesn't answer.

"Can you tell me why it was bad? That you killed him?" Eddie said genuinely. Richie looked at him, confused. He didn't understand the question.

"Why it was bad that I killed someone?" Richie says, looked at the boy with a furrowed brow. Eddie nodded.

"It's murder, Eddie. Some things are just wrong. That's just the way things are."

"I think... I think that the lines between wrong and right are blurred sometimes." Eddie replied.

Richie got chills for a moment, and his eyes widened, looking at the floor. He couldn't tell what Eddie meant by that. Something was weird. Fucked. He tried to brush the phrase off, but he had a hard time scrubbing it from his mind. No sane person would say something like that in this situation.

"We're gonna figure this out. You didn't deserve to go through that. I've...I've treated you like shit at times, but I won't take it back. I've never loved someone as much as you, and it makes me pissed off that I feel this way, but... I'm gonna be here with you for the long run."