𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡.

𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐩 | 𝐞

E

While Eddie was outside in the cool breeze, he contemplated many things. He didn't understand why he was so enraptured by Richie. He was an addict with neurotic tendencies and crude humor - all things which wouldn't usually appeal to Eddie. On top of that, Richie was his childhood friend. He didn't know if these feelings were newfound or simply had always been there.

Eddie wasn't much of a romantic, and usually kept himself from getting too attached or meddling in others personal affairs now. He kept people within at least an arm's distance away, and he guarded his heart constantly. Something he didn't realise about himself was that he was still partially scared. That is, he didn't realise it until Richie had brought up the notion to him the prior day. He didn't want to think of himself as 'scared' anymore, and he still couldn't force himself to form the conclusion that being frightened wasn't always a bad thing. What Eddie did realise, though, was that his fears manifested in different forms. Whether it was his sexuality, feeling attraction towards someone or something, or even waking up everyday, it was a flawed argument to infer that he had 'no fears' just because he wasn't a fearful 'child' anymore.

As Eddie sat by the lake, hearing the bird's singing their songs and flying free, he wished he had that sort of freedom. Not to be a bird, of course, but to not have to concern himself with his mind, and all of his own impertinent thoughts and day-to-day motions. The bird's melodies eased him of his anxieties and allowed him to sit in his worries and try to simplify and reduce them rather than ignoring them and letting it all pile up like trash in a waste bin waiting to be dumped.

Eddie wasn't homophobic, of course not, but he couldn't help but have some internalized homophobia towards himself. He'd been told for so long that being gay was wrong for so long and didn't believe it was true when it came to other people, but when it came to himself, he hated the conception that he could possibly be gay, even though his first male crush was so long ago. It wasn't something he was proud of or was comfortable with talking about to other people, yet. The only person he felt he could even slightly confide in now was Richie.

Even with this, Eddie was still nervous of how Richie would perceive him. He couldn't bring himself to terms with the fact that anyone at all could love or even like him, let alone Richie Tozier, who seemed to be so laid back and at ease with his surroundings, which was a stark comparison to Eddie, who often found himself caring far too much about others conceptualization of him. Despite this, the person whose approval he sought for the most was Richie.

For Eddie, shutting off his brain was not a valid or realistic option. Even when someone hadn't finished what they were saying yet, he would frequently notice himself trying to structure a logical reply to the next statement. He wasn't loquacious by any means as he typically kept to himself and was an astute observer of many things, but because of the grand amounts of thinking and processing he did, he felt like he was talking all of the time. What Eddie noticed with Richie was that Richie could spew his copious amounts of inner dialogue out loud with ease for seemingly ages until someone would tell him to shut up, usually Eddie back in the old days.

Eddie felt another breeze, but it wasn't in comfort this time. It felt lonely and desolate. Looking around, he felt missing without Richie's company, despite him only being outside alone for ten to fifteen minutes. How could Eddie live in that apartment all alone all these years? It felt so incredibly isolating in thought. Eddie felt the humidity settle in and the thick, heavy air causing him to feel a bit of a suffocating feeling. Eddie stood up and picked up his phone, walking on the path to go back inside of the cabin.

As he reached to open the door, Richie opened it for him. So he knew Eddie was coming? Odd. "Hey..." The tall boy said to him, his eyes shifting around. "Uh, hi." Eddie said, walking in. As he walked in, he was hit with a strong, medicinal scent. It smelled like a cherry cough syrup, bringing Eddie back to the deepest depths of his childhood. The smell was acute and made Eddie's stomach turn inside out. He could just taste the thick, artificially flavored red liquid coating his throat, the smell and the taste lasting for days after. Eddie's eyebrows furrowed in slight disgust of the odor, being all too familiar yet still a nauseatingly off-putting smell.

"Can we light a candle?" Richie, who still appeared on edge, said to Eddie. "Yeah, sure." Eddie said after a few seconds of trying to grapple his control over not throwing up. He sat down and pulled out his phone. He wanted to do some research on this place and the owners, perhaps to see if he could find any information on what could lead the place to have such... intense smells. "The owners of this place are apparently 'travel extraordinaires', according to their Yelp page." Eddie said, reading down the list of facts. "This place was refined into a cabin. It used to be a church." Eddie said casually, still noting off details about the cabin. As soon as Eddie spoke his last words, Richie dropped the candle, sending reflective shards of glass everywhere.