𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡.

𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐮𝐭 | 𝐞 & 𝐫

author's note: intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation
E

    Eddie sat, still holding the letter in his hands, almost shaking a bit. He took a deep breath, setting it down on his nightstand. He felt a deep pressure in his chest, and an overall bad feeling. He knew he had to talk to Richie, but how the hell was he going to follow that?

    Eddie exhaled the breath, standing up and picking the letter back up. He was extremely anxious as he opened his door and stepped outside of his room. He felt cold air brush against his skin as he walked out, almost getting chills. He couldn't tell if there was physically something wrong, or if his nerves were just getting the better of him.

    Eddie walked over to Richie's room, trying to stop himself from knocking, but he just felt like he had to. He felt as if something horribly wrong was going to happen.

R

    Richie was laying on his bed, feeling as if he were sinking into the mattress. He felt regret for what he wrote, but obviously it was too late now. The note put too much pressure on Eddie. More feelings of guilt rushed into Richie's psyche as he exhaustively sat up against the bed frame. He felt his mind begin to spiral with thoughts.

    Richie had dealt with intrusive thoughts many times before. They came and went like tides upon the sea level of the ocean. Sometimes they'd appear out of nowhere, rendering Richie to feel useless and in a depressive state. He didn't know where they came from - he figured they'd always been there, but were growing more prominent over the years.

    It was these intrusive thoughts that made Richie look to the bottle of pills inside his backpack. He picked them up, hearing the rattling noise they made as he moved them around in the bottle. He wondered what would happen if he took them all. Would he regret it?

    After staring at the bottle for a couple of minutes, his musing was interrupted by a soft, hesitant knock on his door. "Richie?" He heard a voice faintly say. Richie shoved the bottle of pills back into his bag, zipping it and pushing it under the small gap under the slightly elevated bed. "Is it okay if I come in?" The voice said again. Richie sighed a bit. Trying to force out words, all he could muster was an "Mhm." He watched as the door knob turned and Eddie slowly walked in.

    He saw Eddie instantly sit down, and they both stared into space for a couple of long, dreary seconds. "I'm sorry." Richie said nervously, still feeling an immense sense of guilt for, well, everything. He saw Eddie calculating his next response, seeming to struggle a bit.

E

    Eddie knew it was his fault. He felt his stomach churning, thinking of what to say. "Don't apologize," He decided to say, albeit a tad dismissively. "It's not your fault. I just need to know that you're okay." Eddie looked up into Richie's eyes, which still did not meet his yet. He watched as the boy's dark eyes shifted around the room. "Yeah..." Richie said weakly. He stood up, looking down into Eddie's eyes. "I'm just..." Richie started, but stopped himself from talking.

    Eddie just wanted to know what was going on inside his head. If he could just know that, then he could 'fix' it. He wished he could take back everything. Everything mean he'd ever said, everything he said during the argument, his words to Richie that night... Just everything. Eddie hugged Richie with his warm embrace. It almost was comforting. "It's okay if you're not okay. You don't have to be okay all the time." Eddie said quietly. He was saying it to Richie, but himself as well.

R

    Richie tried to hold back and bite his tongue, and not say anything. He felt like he was weak, and could break down at any second. "It's okay if you're not okay. You don't have to be okay all the time." Those words. They hit like a ton of bricks.

    Richie tried too hard to be strong for other people when he was falling apart on the inside. It came in waves, yes, but there was always a lingering feeling. Guilt. Anxiety. Regret. Despair. All internalized, 24/7. Eddie's velvety words poured out into Richie's heart. A lot hit him at once. He wasn't a crier, but those simple words struck a previously out of tune chord in Richie's heart strings.

E

    The hug lasted for a while. Eddie didn't hear anything from Richie, which was uncommon - there was just pure, violent, silence. "Richie?" Eddie said after a couple of seconds of the tight embrace. He felt Richie shaking. He looked at him and saw tears streaming down from his face. Eddie hugged him a bit tighter, feeling even more guilt. "Please be okay..." Eddie said to himself quietly, almost unable to be heard. Shit. Something was seriously wrong.