𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡.

"𝐢 𝐝𝐢𝐝" | 𝐞 & 𝐫

author's note: tw: detailed suic*de mention, dr*g use/mention, emetophobia

R

    Richie was laying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. He was still trying to process what happened with Eddie, but his brain wasn't thinking too clearly at this point. All he knew was that he really, really hoped Eddie was gay. Or at least bi. Or something in the middle. He looked up and saw that Eddie had left. He sighed, leaning against the arm of the couch.

    After a few minutes, Eddie came back, and Richie turned around like a dog when it saw its owner. "I'm back," Eddie said, shutting the front door behind him. He had a white bag in his band from a local smoothie shop. "I got food." He said, putting it on the table. "Ooh." Richie said getting up from his seat. He looked in the bag and saw a wrap, a flat bread, and two brightly colored smoothies. "I didn't know what to get you, so I just got you a flatbread." Eddie said to him. "Thanks," He said to Eddie with a smile. "I'm bored. Let's play a game." Richie said as he unwrapped the flatbread."Okay...? Like what?" Eddie replied, sounding slightly confused. "Truth or dare?" Richie said. Eddie shrugged, and nodded reluctantly.

E

     The rays of light shone through the windows and the heat beamed on them. "It's hot." Richie said, taking off his hoodie again. Eddie was trying hard not to look, but he couldn't help it. Thankfully, he figured Richie didn't notice. "Okay, I'll go first," Richie said. "Truth or dare?" Eddie thought for a second. "Truth." He said. Richie laughed a little. "Of course you'd pick truth," Richie said sarcastically. "What's that supposed to mean?" Eddie said, sounding slightly offended. "Nothing," Richie replied with a smile. "Okay, truth, hm... Is it true I was your first kiss?" He asked. Eddie rolled his eyes. He knew he was never gonna hear the end of this. "Yes, you asshole." Eddie said annoyedly. "Unfortunately." He muttered, half joking.

"Alright. Truth or dare?" The boy asked. Richie immediately said dare. "Wow. Okay, uh... I dare you to tell me something you hate about me." He said. "Wow. Uh, okay. Going right in." Richie said. "I don't hate anything about you," He said to Eddie. "I just hate that you hate yourself." Eddie paused for a second, caught off guard a bit. "I don't hate myself." Eddie said, lying to the boy. "Yeah. Whatever," Richie said, obviously not believing him. Before he could add anything, Richie asked, "Truth or dare?" Eddie thought for a second, annoyed that he was cut off.  "Truth." Yet again. "Okay. Uh, what's your number?" Richie asked nervously. "That's not how the game works." Eddie said bluntly. Richie rolled his eyes. "Come on." Eddie's sighed. "Fine." They exchanged numbers. "Alright, time for real questions." Eddie said. "Truth or dare?" He asked. Richie sighed. "Fine, I'll be boring. Truth." He said. "Do you really think I'm 'cute'?" He asked.

R

Richie smiled. "Obviously. Who wouldn't?"  He saw Eddie look down nervously. "You're just high right now," He said, slightly glancing up. "Hey," he said, gently caressing Eddie's soft face. "Don't sell yourself so short. I think you're beautiful." He watched as his eyes widened and his face flushed to a light peach color. "But yeah. I am pretty high right now." Eddie laughed a little and so did Richie. Richie loved Eddie's laugh. It was welcoming, but more rare than it used to be before. "Okay, my turn. Truth or dare?" Eddie sighed. "Dare." Richie smirked. "Okay." He got up and walked to a cabinet in the kitchen and opened it. "What are you doing?" Eddie asked nervously. Richie poured into two glasses of a light colored vodka. Eddie rolled his eyes. "I'm not drinking, especially not with you." Richie scoffed, ignoring him. He handed Eddie a glass. "Come on, Eds. Don't make me beg." He said gently. Eddie glanced away, his eyes widened a bit again. "Fine. But can you even drink while you're on... whatever you're on?" Eddie asked. Richie rolled his eyes back. "Oh my god, you're like my mom or something." He said, sounding slightly frustrated. "Just drink it, goddamnit." Richie started drinking before Eddie could say anything.

E

    Eddie held the glass nervously, watching the carbonated bubbles at the top as the fizzing diffused. He didn't want to admit it, but he'd never drank before. It just never appealed to him. Part of him knew that if he had one glass, it was going to be a huge problem for him. He sighed while taking a sip. He gagged a bit. "God, how do you drink this?" Richie laughed. "Are you trying to poison me?" Richie continued to laugh at the boy "Don't be dramatic." Eddie rolled his eyes again. "Okay," He said, clearing his throat. "My turn." Eddie thought for a second, looking around for things to ask. He looked at Richie's arms and slightly squinted, noticing some interesting looking marks and scars. "What did those come from?" Eddie asked nervously, slightly rubbing his arm. Richie's energy changed. "Doesn't the question have to start with, 'is it true'?" He asked. "Come on, Rich. You asked me a question that didn't begin with 'is it true'." Eddie said, crossing his arms.

R

    "Okay." Richie let out a deep sigh. "I used to experiment with some heroine. It's not a big deal." He said, trying to change the topic by telling the half truth. He knew what happened during that experiment. "Oh my god, Richie." Eddie said, looking disappointed. "How are you not seeing this is a problem?" Eddie said, running his own hands through his curly brown hair. "I told you not to do that." Richie said. "Not to sound so disappointed in me. I get it." Richie sat up in his seat. "Yes, and I told you I'm not going to just sit around while you try to kill youself." Eddie said, standing up. "Ed-" Eddie cut Richie off. "No, Richie. I'm not gonna take your bullshit excuses. One of these days, you're going to take too much, and-" Eddie raised his voice, nearly shouting until Richie cut him off. "I fucking did!" Richie said standing up, throwing his glass as the vodka spilled everywhere on the old carpet. Shit.

E & R

    Eddie froze. "W... what?" He asked, stammering a little. "I did." Richie said, calming down a little. Richie felt a weight was lifted off of him. "I overdosed." He said, breathing heavily and sitting back down. Eddie looked at him in shock, feeling his heart sink. "I... just remember being at a party. The music was loud. Too loud." Richie said, taking a break from talking for a second. Eddie had a concerned look on his face. Richie took a deep breath and continued. "I partied a lot, you know?" Richie nervously looked around. "I had been using for a little while. I was in a heroine phase. So, I took it." He swallowed, Eddie following the movement of his eyes. "A lot. I was just feeling so... so incredibly hopeless.

    I walked out of the house the party was in to go to a gas station that was across the street. I wanted to get something to drink. My mouth was really dry. I got a Redbull and went to the bathroom." He said, pausing again. "I felt more of a rush than before. Suddenly," his voice was breaking a bit. "I couldn't stand. I don't know if I passed out. I just couldn't stand. I was on the bathroom floor." Eddie was tearing up. "It was cold. Freezing. I didn't have a jacket, and I hadn't had anything to eat in a day or two. Everything I was taking made me feel sick." Eddie saw Richie's hands shaking a little. "I just remember it being cold. I was alone. Completely alone." Eddie saw a tear stream down Richie's face and Richie wiped it. "I woke up in a bright hospital swallowing naloxone with vomit all over me, them trying to get me to come to. Yeah, it was gross..." He said, trailing off. "There was some damage. I mean, my opioid receptors are kind of fucked, so that's great." He said sarcastically, trying to make himself (and Eddie) not cry. "Luckily, someone found me in the bathroom. It was the manager's kid." Eddie felt sick to his stomach. "God, Eds. It was a kid. That wasn't his responsibility." Richie said, mainly talking to himself. "Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if no one found me. If I just laid there and waited to die." He said, looking at the ground. "I probably deserve it." Richie laid back.

E

    Eddie didn't know what to say. He could tell Richie was trying not to cry. So was he. "No one deserves that." Eddie said, his voice breaking. "I..." Eddie stopped himself. He wanted so badly to just say those three words. It was so hard for him too. All he could do was hug Richie. So he did.

R

'Fuck, I don't deserve him.'