𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡.

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐩𝐭. 𝟐 | 𝐞 & 𝐫

author's note: trigger warning - suic*dal ideation, emetophobia warning.

R

The temperatures seemed to be the hottest they'd ever felt before. Even stepping in the car with Eddie Kaspbrak, who was the coldest planet in Richie's little atmosphere could not chill the flames ignited inside of Richie Tozier's turbulent mind. His thoughts were pouring into his mind like a bartender pouring whiskey into an alcoholic's glass, waiting for them to say "when". Except the alcoholic didn't say when. The glass was overflowing, doing an excellent job at essentially not quenching their thirst, but wasting the product and further enabling said person.

Richie didn't know what to say or how to react to these thoughts. He wanted to stay something so incredibly bad yet he couldn't find the words to say. Simply stepping into the car with Eddie felt like an innate trap. He knew he couldn't keep quiet, and had a crippling habit of having his own words overflow out of the glass of his lips. He bit deeply into his lip, something he'd do to stop him from speaking. He'd done it so much over the years that he didn't even realise he was doing it.

He knew he could hurt himself if he kept doing it, but that pain would never amount to the pain he knew he'd produce if he didn't keep his stupid mouth shut.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was glad that Eddie took initiative and decided to drive. Not that Richie was a particularly stellar driver to begin with, but his skills definitely took a beating when he was under pressure and driving. He'd almost been involved in several car crashes, whether it was driving under the influence, having a panic attack in the car (something that happened more times than Richie would ever confess to), or simply from getting distracted. On the other hand, sometimes when things were dark, he'd get in his car on the road and just let go of the wheel. It didn't take long in those circumstances before natural fear and human instinct took over, forcing him to clutch the wheel again, but he was fearful that one day his instincts would kick in a second late and it would all be over for him.

He didn't want the latter to happen today. Not with Eddie.

He got out of his head, trying to take a deep breath. After Eddie started the car, which took a while due to its condition from neglect, Richie could feel his eyes on him. Sometimes it was great to be reminded that Eddie cared at all about Richie's existence, but now was not one of those times. At other times, it was one of the worst possible things. Eddie's judgement was fierce, and when Richie felt it, he really felt it. It felt like taking a dagger to the chest, or being publicly executed. Sometimes he thought he'd never recover from those enervating glares.

E

"Your car is shit." Eddie muttered, trying to get the key to fit into the ignition, which was hot from being a direct target of the sun. As was the rest of the car as it was left outside. Eddie felt some sweat dripping down his forehead, and he pushed his hair back to stop the sweat from his hair from dripping onto his face.

"Did you find an old, senile, seventy-year old and steal his car from the junkyard, perhaps?" He said, frustrated with starting the car and still frustrated with the idea of Richie in general.

As Eddie fiddled with the key, he remembered how he felt when Richie kissed him by the apple tree. He wished he liked it, he really did. However, he just felt disgusted and so angry. He felt like he'd been taken advantage of. Like their relationship, or whatever they had, was just an experiment for Richie. An experiment to get out whatever sexual or romantic frustrations he'd been keeping in. An experiment to see if he could get a bigger rush from the drugs or with actual love. Just a test. He felt like it meant nothing to Richie.