𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡.

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝐞 & 𝐫

R

The walk was short - surprisingly short. It sort of disappointed Richie - they'd lived within a eight to nine minute walking distance of each other and didn't even know it. He was frustrated - that showed how much they'd honestly grown apart from each other. How much he fucked up their relationship. So much so that Eddie went out of his way to move out of town. Richie felt like shit. "Richie, did you really follow me here to Portland?" Eddie quickly said. Richie forgot he'd let that slip. "Or was that a joke?" Eddie followed up with. Richie continued to walk, not answering for a little bit. "It was a joke. Obviously." Richie lied, sounding slightly defensive.

E

Eddie felt it was stupid of him to even ask that - why would Richie follow him, of all people out of town? He smiled to himself at the idea of how ridiculous that sounded. Eddie arrived at the apartment - it was nice. I mean, it wasn't anything special, but it was nice for a middle class area. He took the keys out of his bag and opened the door, struggling at first, but eventually getting it open.

R

At the first look, Richie wasn't too surprised with how it looked - it was extremely clean. Everything had its own special place, nothing was on the spotless, wooden floor, and it was quite minimalistic despite its size, which was rather big, especially compared to Richie's shabby apartment. The general color scheme was a bright, platinum white and various shades of baby blue and a delicate shade of pastel green. It was almost too clean. It didn't look "lived in". Richie's view directed over to Eddie, who had been studying him the entire time nervously. Eddie looked like he was trying to figure out what Richie was thinking. He was clearly insecure about his apartment, but Richie couldn't figure out why. "Is there a problem?" Richie said, confused, with a small smile. "Uh... I don't know, I just hoped you wouldn't think it was weird." Richie's eyebrows furrowed. "Weird? Am I missing something?" The taller boy said, feeling like an idiot. "I mean... You don't think it's too... I don't know, girly?" Eddie said, looking at him sheepishly. Now, Richie understood his question. He couldn't believe Eddie thought he'd care if his apartment was too 'girly'. "No? I mean, it's cute and pretty gay." He said, muttering the last part. "But it doesn't matter what anyone else says. If you like it, then I love it." He said, hypocritically. Eddie smiled a little.

E

Eddie continued to stare at Richie. After a few seconds, he saw Richie notice. "You're giving me mixed signals, dude. Do you want to fuck me or not?" Eddie felt like he was about to jump out of his own skin, his eyes widened and he looked away. "Okay, gross. Calm down." He said, sitting down on a chair. "Just asking," Richie said, shrugging. As Eddie sat down, the sun rays beamed in through the large, glass paned windows. He felt like his head was a soda can in the heat, slowly getting crushed by someone's foot. His face was slightly red.

"Are you okay? You look awful." Eddie looked up at him annoyedly. "Great, that's absolutely what I wanted to hear right now." Eddie felt like he was breathing through a straw all of a sudden. "I think I'm having a small asthma attack." Eddie said, looking slightly shaken up. "Damn, I forgot you had asthma." Richie said, sitting down. "Yeah, uh, I haven't really had too much of a problem with it after I left Derry." He muttered, looking slightly alarmed.

R

Richie knew it wasn't possible for him to "bring Eddie's asthma back", but he blamed himself for it anyways. He usually felt like everything was his fault anyways. "Can you get my inhaler? It's on the top shelf in my bedroom." Eddie said, kind of struggling to get the words out. "Oh my god... What's wrong with me?" Richie said, spiraling a bit. "Rich, it's not you, just-" "I should have never pushed you so far... I'm sorry-" "Goddamnit Richie, shut up and just get my fucking inhaler!" Eddie shouted. Ouch. "Fuck. Okay." He said, slightly stammering.

E

Eddie didn't mean to yell at him - he just got too pissed off nowadays. He was trying to get some of his breath back, but he couldn't. It felt like when you blew up a balloon and tried to tie it, but the air just kept escaping somehow.

R

Richie rushed into what he assumed was Eddie's bedroom - he had a white bed frame with a black and white grid comforter on his neatly made bed. The floor was clean as well, and there was a fluffy white rug on it. He looked on the shelves, but was distracted - there was a picture of Eddie with other people. Maybe his friends? There was one Polaroid taped to a box. It was Eddie with some guy. They were hugging - they seemed to be close. 'Don't get jealous, you asshole.' Richie told himself. Richie couldn't help but to feel a little bit of jealousy - that guy should be him. All of these people Eddie was close to now - it just should've been him. After searching the shelves for the inhaler, he found it. He grabbed it and left the room.

He walked back to the boy, who was now hyperventilating a little. "Here." Richie said, giving the small object to him. As Eddie took a few puffs of it, Richie turned around and looked out of the window. He looked out at the view - the cafe where they had met the previous day was there, crowded and busy with people walking in and out. Now that he realized it, the whole street was crowded. How had he never noticed? He was just as insignificant as them, in a way - just quick blurs, passing by in the grand scheme of things. The high from the drugs had to be kicking in at this point, as he had reached an existentiality phase. "Thanks." Eddie said, shocking Richie out of the trance. "Sure." Richie muttered, turning away from the window and sitting in the chair next to the boy. "Do you live here all alone?" Richie asked. Eddie looked up. "Yeah... I mean yeah. I have friends over sometimes, but it's just me here." He muttered. "I'm surprised your controlling ass mother let you move out." Richie replied, scoffing. "Uh... Yeah. She wanted me to. I mean, she kicked me out." Richie's eyes shot up a bit, surprised at what he was hearing. "She kicked you out? Why?" Richie said with a concerned expression.

E

Eddie sighed, leaning back into his chair after getting some more control over his breath. He didn't want Richie to go into some breakdown again about how 'everything was his fault' or how much he was 'sorry', but he didn't want to lie to him. "It was that night. She'd had enough, I guess." Eddie said, looking coldly into Richie's eyes. "Oh my god. I'm so-" "Save it." Eddie said, cutting him off. "It's fine. I manage." Eddie continued, looking back down to the bright wooden floor. The worst part of him wanted Richie to feel bad about what he did. "I just want to know something." Eddie said, the words escaping him, no matter how much he wanted to control them. "Why did you leave me there? That night?"

R

Richie felt anxious, his stomach feeling like it was sizzling. "I..." He trailed off, trying to find the right words to say. He knew Eddie was going to ask him something like that. Something to throw him off of his guard. He felt Eddie's eyes burning into him with his judgmental gaze. "I was just terrified." He felt Eddie about to interrupt, but jumped in before he was going to. "I was angry. Not at you, at myself. I just, I know that's not an excuse, but..." He stopped himself from talking. He wasn't ready to go on another spiel and embarrass himself. "I'm not that person." Richie said, looking at the boy's seemingly perfect face to him. "An-And I need you to understand that." He said, stammering a little over the hurdles of words. "That's not me. I wouldn't hurt anyone. And I need you to know that I wouldn't hurt you." He continued as the words poured out. Eddie's face softened and Richie still sensed some distrust. He saw Eddie exhale. Sometimes he felt as if with every bad thing he did, acid dripped into his soul and eroded anything that was ever good about him there.

E

"I don't want to think you're that person, okay? It's just... hard." He said, still looking at Richie. He didn't know how to express what he was thinking. The silence made his ears ring. "You just scared me, that's all." He said, nervously. "I would never, ever do something like that." He said to Eddie, looking deeply into his eyes. "Okay. I believe you." Eddie said, reluctantly. "But I need time. Before we... do anything." Eddie said. "You mean fuck each other? Because you'll be-" "Beep beep, Richie." Eddie said, stopping Richie from finishing.

R

And there was that familiar phrase. That meant he was going too far over the line again. Part of him was relieved to hear it, because he didn't want to finish what he was going to say anyway. Richie scoffed, and the other boy smiled a bit. Richie thought Eddie's smile was perfect. It was like flowers blooming after a cold, harsh winter, except growing brighter each time.