𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡.

𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 | 𝐞

E

Eddie Kaspbrak woke up at 8:30 AM. The sun was starting to rise on that cold early spring day. He woke up and made his bed instantly, washed his face, brushed his teeth, took a shower and got dressed. Eddie was very much a "perfectionist", and certain events in his life led up to him trying to build an image of himself. He had to be "perfect", even though he knew deep down that it was something he could never achieve.

He'd changed a lot as he got older. Formerly, he let his emotions get the better of him, and trusted people too easily. As he grew up, he realised that wasn't accepted in modern society. He built up a strong front around him, and guarded his emotions carefully. He was so tired of being called a fag because of how he acted.

It started with him not crying as easily, then not expressing his emotions to his friends anymore. Then, he became cold and distant. It wasn't something he'd have to try at. Things were different now after the accident happened. It's like it affected his psyche. Now, it was hard for Eddie to open up, and it was slowly driving him insane. He didn't know how to be himself anymore. He'd lost his empathy, compassion, and kind heartedness. He felt like he didn't deserve to feel anymore.

He just focused on what would make others happy, and not himself anymore - He had a 3.9 GPA, got a few college scholarships, and had a successful job as an intern at a major company. He didn't really care at this point if it was what he wanted, or what made him happy (which by the way, none of it did), he just knew he had to do what he could to survive, and then some.

After Eddie got dressed, he got his caffeine fix and was out the door. The breeze instantly blew in his face, and he felt his cheeks get cold. He put his hands in his pockets and walked down the street. He just needed some fresh air sometimes to think about life.

Honestly, he didn't know how he made himself get up everyday. Eddie tried to live life like he had it all sorted out, and from the outside, he did - Academic achievements, a great job, a close group of friends, and for the first time in his life, he made enough money to support himself and live in a decent condo. But on the inside, he hated himself and everything else. He hated how things had affected him after the accident and he hated that he had to keep everything locked inside. He even hated his friends - well, "friends". Ever since things turned out the way he did, he stopped talking to Bev, Mike, Ben, Stan, and even Richie... He moved away outside of Derry. He hung out with a group he hated only so it could look like he had friends. Inside, Eddie knew he didn't deserve any friends, real or fake, or any of the academic accomplishments he had. He felt stupid, disgusting, and unworthy. It's what he'd been told all his life. If other people believed it, why shouldn't he? So he started to. And those thoughts consumed him.

Eddie walked far enough to a worse part of town. He remembered when he lived in the downtown area, near...

He turned around as he heard footsteps. Holy. Fuck. For the first time in a while, he felt something different. It was a floating feeling. Like when you're riding a hot air balloon and you look down after the fear, and finally see the view of the city. He thought he was choking.

It was Richie. Richie Tozier. Richie, like from the -

Before Eddie knew it, he was talking, keeping his composure. He felt his harsh feelings towards Richie come back. And other feelings as well. "Are you like, busy right now? Do you wanna go to coffee, or something?" He bluntly said as he crossed his arms and shifted his weight to the side. "We need to talk." Richie stood there looking slightly mortified, and Eddie was on the same behind him, just not showing it.