Savage || Lee Haechan

Chapter 25 | "without me"

"You're a bitch, you know that Haechan?"

His room door slammed open, scaring the boy as Sungchan strode in, anger filling his gaze.

"Not now Sungchan."

"I always knew you were a bitch, but I didn't realize you were such a coward, too." The tall boy continued, scoffing angrily.

"Leave me alone." Haechan mumbled, trying to wave him off.

"No. You're gonna listen to me, why are you doing this to Minji?"

"Doing what to her? I didn't do anything." Haechan replied dismissively.

"So kissing her is nothing to you?" Sungchan yelled, watching as Haechan's whole body tensed up. "You just kiss her and then run away from it like a scared little bitch instead of just owning up to your feelings?"

"You don't know what I feel!" The older boy yelled back, standing up from his seat to face Sungchan.

"Do you even know what you feel? Do you love Minji?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do. We both know you know the answer to that question, so answer it. Do you love her?" The tall boy demanded again.

"I don't kn-"

"Answer it!"

"Okay! Yes I do! I love her so much that I don't even know what to do with myself!" Haechan yelled back, breathing heavily as he finally voiced his true feelings. "When I'm around her, my heart starts beating so erratically that I feel like it might explode, but she makes me so happy that I can't even stand it!"

"Then why did you run? You know she feels the same way. You actually have a chance at something that so few of us ever do, so why would you do that to her?" Sungchan exclaimed angrily.

"Because I'm scared, Sungchan!" He was taken aback by Haechan's outburst, the shock written on his face. "I'm scared."

"Why?"

"Because when I look at her, I see a future. A future that I've always dreamed of having with this perfect girl and the perfect family living the perfect life. But that's all it's ever been, a dream." Haechan sighed sadly, flopping back down into his seat. "I never let myself think about it because I'm well aware of how unrealistic it is. Either one of us could die at any moment, all it takes is one misstep on a mission and it's all gone. I can't deal with losing her like that. If I run from it, it's like it was never real."

"So you're choosing to give up." Sungchan said with a scoff.

"I have to give up! What if I can't protect her?"

"That's a question we ask ourselves every single day, Haechan! What if we can't protect each other? What if someone dies? That's just a reality for us!" Sungchan exclaimed with a frustrated shout. "Danger is part of what we do. Our lives are at risk every single moment of every single day, but that doesn't mean we stop trying. We wake up and keep going. We live the best we can and do whatever it takes to stay alive for as long as possible." The older boy stared at Sungchan, watching the younger calm down with a determined look in his eyes. "Our lives will never be guaranteed, even if we weren't in a gang, our lives wouldn't be guaranteed. So don't let fear ruin something amazing, or you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it."