FANFICTION Torn apart connected

Chapter 13 The no longer shining cherry blossoms

Yu's POV

I want to get out of here. How can my brain store a memory that holds such strongly conflicting emotions.

A fulfilling dream and a humiliating nightmare.

We didn't ride the Ferris wheel.

Suddenly I realize that Sam just saved us. He doesn't seem to have been as out of his senses as I was. Cool as ever, he was able to react with aplomb.

After all, it wasn't him standing there stupid and ashamed.

And the thought that he was with her weighs tons on my chest.

But everything is still the same.

I turn around and see a confused, haggard Sam almost running into me. Yes, I want to get out of here.

"You were great!", I say formally, "You always find the right words!"

That must be enough.

As soon as we leave, Sam overtakes me with questions, "Is it true what they say? Have you been to our island?"

Our island? I can't believe it. Does he think there's a camera lurking somewhere? Is he acting again? Are we on some show?

I seethe.

"Our island?", I try to say with amusement, "Are you talking to Zhou Shu Yi right now?"

"Were you on Lyudao?" he improves.

'I was. I thought you were coming too. I was waiting for you. I didn't leave the hut so I wouldn't miss you. I had to catch myself each time before I got up the courage to call you. I couldn't get a good night's sleep.

I lost my face.

And my soul.

To you.' I think.

I find it hard to suppress my tears. They burn behind my eyes.

And you remain cool Sam.

He wants to know if I was there. "I was, "Gao Shi De!", I scoff and turn away.

Childish. Sad. Hurt.

"Were you expecting me there?" he asks me stupidly.

Apparently I was, or I wouldn't be acting so embarrassed. Idiot.

"Yu, please talk to me.", he says softly in his deep voice.

Again, my heart screams and my eyes beg me to put an end to the burning.

I can't. I look out the window, at the cherry blossoms no longer shining in the twilight, and I am completely blank.

Sam is silent for a long time, too.

Later, he tries to loosen me up again with small talk.

He is so caring. He always makes me laugh. He knows exactly how to make me talk. He always wants to make me feel comfortable.

And here I am making a scene for him. Pathetic.

I laugh at his barb and the tension lets go.

"I thought you weren't serious," he tells me, "You could have let me know. Just called."

I look out the window again.

How simple that sounds.

Sam, glad you finally answered. Do we want to cross a line together? Do we, just us together want to be lonely two?

The real us, Sam and Yu.

I think I've fallen in love with you.

Even though you're a man. Even though you're taken. Even though I could destroy our friendship with this. Even though we still have to work together.

I could have reached out? "I did," I answer him.

And for the first time, Sam raises his voice at me:

"I called you back. Several times. And then just nothing came.

You didn't respond to a message. You just disappeared. Totally didn't care how I felt about it. "

His disappointment makes me wonder. Is he mad at me? Why?

"I wanted to leave you your peace. And give me my time.", I explain to him honestly.

"Is that your idea of friendship? Just disappearing and leaving the other worried? Friends don't do that to each other," he chimes in.

If it were possible, my heart would be sobbing loudly right now.

There's my answer.

Friends. We are friends. And work colleagues.

And I misbehaved. Risked the friendship.

"Yeah, we're work colleagues who were more or less forced to form a friendship," I say more to myself than to him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sam flinch.

"What are you talking about? Sorry, I didn't mean to lecture you," Sam says much calmer.

Again, I'm the one who feels bad. There's no way he could know. He's always so patient with me.

"You don't have to apologize. I never would have made it through this time without you. You're my teacher. And my friend.", I try to comfort him.

I'm the inconsolable one, it's not his fault.

His effort is clear to see. I am exhausting.

Following the urge for solitude, I put on my harmony voice and say, "Sam, everything is fine. Don't worry about a thing. The day has been beautiful. Thank you. See you."

I flee from the car when Sam suddenly grabs me.

"Yu, please, don't just disappear. I will fix it.", he begs me, "I won't get through this again. Please don't disappear."

I break.

It hurts me so much to be with you though.

But you don't deserve this.

I decide not to just leave. To stay with him. To reassure him. He didn't do anything. He wants to be my friend. Nothing more.

I stay and we look into each other's eyes, smiling. Until I believe the smile of my reflection in his big black eyes.

I am so exhausted.