FANFICTION Torn apart connected

Chapter 9 Doubt is always better than regret

Yu's POV

I just can't believe everything.

Did Sam really just ask me if we were going to the spring festival. And then the comment about there being a Ferris wheel. Does he think I don't remember my own words?

'What do they associate with the term date?" they asked us during one of the interviews. How astonished he was when I answered Ferris wheel.

So does he want a date?

I just can't believe it all. My mind is going on a merry-go-round and I'm riding Ferris wheel. With him.

I look at him.

He's so good looking. And I'm screaming inside. And he can't hold my gaze.

His shame is my drive.

His shamelessness my new acquisition.

I smile when I see his reaction and decide not to tease him.

When I ask him about his well-being, he seems deep in thought. I don't want to snatch him away. We understand each other wordlessly.

"You seem to have recovered well without me," Sam snaps at me. A wave of sad feelings floods me.

Without him.

He didn't come. I should never have crossed that line. How could I take his words for true. We had talked often enough about giving ourselves to our roles in private as well. The fans should also experience our chemistry behind the camera.

We lived our roles.

At least during the promotion period, as I then discovered.

When the final decision was made that there would be a 3rd season, we celebrated as a crew and the news thrilled our fans worldwide.

We watched the last episode together at the fan meeting. The joy of an upcoming 3rd season didn't leave us in tears this time.

Sam was so sweet that day. We managed to enchant everyone in the hall again. I was very happy.

But a quiet whimper I perceived in my soul. The shooting for the 3rd season is not scheduled yet. We must now wake up from our dream. I was dreading it. What if an awake Sam is not by my side. How can I do without his daily closeness?

For the first two days, I listened to myself but could not get my feelings straight.

Is it Zhou Shu Yi who misses Gao Shi De and makes irrational plans to be close to him?

Or did I Yu fall head over heels in love with Sam?

In another man. In my serial partner.

In Zi Hong Lin, who has been so supportive during these months, pushing me to grow beyond myself, to know myself.

In a man who is already taken.

I had never been in love in my life. No one had ever managed to break through my walls before.

On the third day after the fan meeting, I made the devastating decision. I wanted to know. Will he really be there? He said he would.

I canceled all my appointments and drove off.

His absence silenced me inside while my body wandered restlessly. For days.

Shame, anger, disappointment, all turned against myself. I went against my own nature with this decision.

Doubt is always better than regret.

I regret that I risked our friendship and bet on my heart.

With this realization, I now reveal my restlessness to him and snuggle up to him.

His body feels so good. All heaviness escapes from my body. Tears flow from my eyes.

I float from the scent of his skin. The tangy taste of my desire spreads across my tongue. I gently press my lips to his neck. My lips are on fire.

And it's doing something to him.

Oh, how I enjoy it. His air I want to be. Drive him crazy.

He's trying to get away, but I'm not ready. I want him to look me in the eye. I want him to see me.

And he fixes his gaze on my lips.

Shiny tears wrap around his stunning face. I wipe them away lovingly.

Touch his skin.

My lips yearn to caress his face.

My broken heart is soothed by my rising desire.

He returns my gaze. I lose myself in his eyes.

Dangerously close.

"Let'go!", I save myself before I am no longer master of myself.

His deep voice gets in me, "Mmm," he murmurs, "let'go!"