Dylan O'Brien | His Angels

Thirty-Seven

I literally feel like I'm dying.

I woke up at 4 am with a fucking migraine. Not to mention, Adelaine woke up with a fever so I'm trying to take care of her.

"Shelley, can you grab me the medicine from the cabinet?" I asked Shelley. She nodded and went into the kitchen. She came over this morning to help take care of Amelia while I looked after Adelaine.

I was waiting for Shelley because it was taking her forever so I walked out of Adelaine's room and into the kitchen. I saw Shelley holding a bottle and staring at it with a shocked expression.

"Shells?" I asked. She turned to face me and held up the bottle. When I realized what it was my face fell.

"What is this?" she asked.

"Um--" I stuttered and tried to come up with an answer.

"Anti-depressants?"

I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't. I didn't know what to say.

"Are you depressed?" she questioned. She seemed angry but she was looking at me with sadness as well.

"Um, not like I was." I admitted.

"You had depression." she asked but it came out as a statement.

"Have." I corrected her.

She scoffed. "How could you not tell me? Or Phoebe? Or Dylan?"

My head shot up. "You cannot tell Dylan." I told her.

"Why not?" I walked over and snatched the bottle from her.

"Because, he doesn't need to know." I said.

"Katherine, why didn't you tell any of us?" she asked. "Just-- why?"

"Because I felt so overwhelmed and alone. Even though there was people all around me, I just felt like I was alone. Like all I had was Adelaine and Amelia. I spent every single day taking care of them. I never had time for myself."

"You could have said something. I would have come over more often." she said.

"Shelley, just leave it and do not tell Dylan." I told her sternly. She shook her head and looked at me in disbelief.

Yes, I've been struggling with depression for years and I never told anyone. I just didn't feel like I needed too. I didn't want them worrying about me and trying to tell me how to do things and to take more breaks. I don't get to take breaks, I have two daughters.

"Why? Do you think he'll leave you?" she asked like I was crazy but when I looked down and said nothing her gaze softened. "Kath, he'd never leave you. He loves you."

"We've never said that." I chuckled humorlessly and wiped at my eyes.

"He doesn't have to." she shrugged. "It's in his eyes every time he looks at you. It's in your smile whenever you're around him. It's obvious you both love each other."

I shook my head at her and grabbed the medicine for Adelaine. I went to walk past her but she spoke once again.

"Do you love him?"

Her question caught me off guard and I stopped walking. Do I? Maybe. He's the only guy I've let myself open up to in almost three years but is our relationship even at that stage? Would I scare him off if I told him I love him?

"I don't know." I spoke. "Promise you won't tell Dylan?"

"Tell Dylan what?" I jumped and turned around to see Dylan walking into the kitchen.

"Nothing." I huffed. Dylan furrowed his brows but I just ran upstairs to Adelaine's room. She was laying on her bed with her stuffed animal in her arms. My poor baby.