spite || levi x reader

3 - 1 (nsfw)

Everything that happens when you get back to the wall is a blur.

Erwin passes out, nearly tumbling off the horse instead of dismounting properly. You carry him as best you can towards the wall, his one good arm draped over your shoulders, but several military police and Garrison move forward to help you out.

"Don't let him die," you plead, surprised at the hysteria in your voice. "Please. Please don't let him die."

You're flocked to by the rest of the 104th- by some miracle, everyone from your old squad made it- and Eren gives you one of the tightest hugs you've ever gotten. It hurts (your ribs are still bothering you) but it's completely worth it.

You get a lot of questions ("Did Reiner actually eat you? What happened?") and you try to answer all of them, but the exhaustion is catching up with you and the fatality rate from just that expedition alone is startling. Sixty percent of the soldiers that rode out to rescue Eren died: Garrison, Survey Corps, and MPs alike. You hope it was worth it.

You're half awake as Krista is becoming hysterical, shrieking about needing to go back and get Ymir. You haven't even given Ymir a lot of thought; you're worried your head will explode. Her motives are still completely foreign to you.

By the time everyone's loaded into carts and is heading back to Wall Sheena, you're ready to take another nap. Thinking back on it, being stuck in Reiner's mouth had been one of the scariest experiences of your lifetime. Fighting titans honestly would've been easier. In Reiner's jaw, you had no control, no way of escaping while the fighting was going on outside. You wonder if you could've been able to save anyone if you hadn't been trapped the way you had. If you'd retreated like you were supposed to.

Erwin is taken to a hospital. The rest of you are sent back to HQ.

Levi.

While everyone is trudging back to their barracks, you head straight to where you know he'll be waiting. It's like you've been hit with another wave of energy, another shot of adrenaline, enough to keep you going until you're tucked safely into the arms of the one person that you care for more than anything else.

You don't even knock. You see the lantern light from under the door, and you shove the door open.

Levi's sitting at his desk, a cup of tea balanced in the tips of his fingers. His eyes are trained downwards on the small plate that his tea cup would sit on, and he doesn't look up immediately when you burst in. He looks tensed, like he's ready to hit the first person that lays a hand on him.

"What?" he snaps before he glances up, and the annoyance drains from his face. 

"Hi," you say, and then you have to resist the urge to smack yourself in the face. Hi?! That's the best you could come up with? "I, uh, I'm okay," you stammer, trying to think of what you need to say first- what he needs to hear first. "Hange's okay too- a bit banged up but nothing permanent. Reiner and Bertolt transformed and tried to steal Eren- turns out Ymir is a titan too? And she went with them. But- but we got Eren back, and a lot of people died, and..."

You're nearly out of breath. The blank look on Levi's face has long since faded, and you think you can make out relief in his expression.

Levi stands up from his chair, carefully setting his tea cup down. His eyes are locked on you as he pads forward, reaching for you. His hands gingerly settle on either side of your face, like he's holding you to make sure you're actually here and not some sort of apparition. 

His thumb brushes over the bandage on your forehead. "I tried to kill Bertolt," you explain softly, leaning into Levi's touch. "He transformed. I got burnt. It's... it's not that bad."