spite || levi x reader

4 - 7

Levi had accepted it.

Someone needs to slow the titans down, or else the mission won't work. Hange had volunteered, so Hange had been okay with giving their life to ensure the mission would go on. He's seen it happen many times; Erwin choosing to charge the beast titan and lead so many scouts to their death is what first comes to mind. Both are choosing to sacrifice their lives for humanity, as the many before them have done the same.

He accepts it, and he moves on. He knows it's what is best for the team; the only way to complete the mission.

And he knows that you know it too. You're not fighting him at all; you've accepted it, but you're not taking it well.

And that's what hurts most of all.

He hears you screaming, and it fucking hurts. You're a mess in his arms, and there's nothing he can do about it. Nothing that would make this feel any better for you. Nothing he can do except hold you and hope that you're able to put your grief aside to make it through the rest of the mission.

It's not fair. He should be able to do more.

"This can't be happening," he hears you choke into his chest, and Levi tightens his hold on you.

Hange is to you what Erwin is to him. But you got another four years with Hange; Erwin was taken from you all years ago, and although he's still a presence in Levi's mind, he knows it's not the same. Hange meant the world to you.

"We need to go," he murmurs into your hair.

You don't move. You bury yourself deeper into his shirt.

Does he wish you weren't as emotional? Sort of- it'd make it easier to make progress right now. But your connection to others and the way you love everyone around you is what made him fall in love with you; he'd be stupid not to accept all aspects of that loyalty.

"L," Levi whispers. "Please."

He hears you exhale deeply, and then you shove yourself away from him. Levi stands up, but he doesn't offer a hand; there's a jerkiness to your movements that he recognizes as you needing a minute to collect yourself. You need to gather yourself, and he needs to let you do it.

You stand up, and without meeting his eyes, you start your march towards the plane.

Levi sighs to himself, and he follows.

He should be able to erase this. All this pain, all this damage, all this heartbreak that Hange's sacrifice is clearly causing you- it's his job to make it easier. He's not quite sure how.

Something in his chest burns. Hange would know what to do.

He misses them.

Levi trudges on, his eyes glued to the back of your head.

.

You don't want to do this anymore.

You're been so driven in that Marley invasion. So eager to go, ready to do whatever it took to protect your friends and get Eren off the island. You'd been excited to fight, excited to get back into a battle after years of nothing but training.

Now, you've lost your best friend.

How're you supposed to be ready to go now?

You don't remember getting on the plane. Did you struggle at all? Did you fight Levi about it? You hope you didn't. You're sitting on the floor in the back of the plane, knees tucked up to your chest and arms wrapped tightly around your legs. You don't think you've moved since you somehow got here.

Levi. How's he handling this so well?

He knew Hange longer than you did. Hange was one of the ones who kept him sane while you recovered from amnesia. They accompanied him on most of the training sessions that he did with you, back in your training days. They helped you discover the source of your family's history with amnesia, and they were next to Levi in making sure you recovered after getting shot in the blimp.