Attached- Tsukishima Kei

17

"ATHENA!"

I yelp out loud once I'm tackled to the ground by none other than Hinata Shōyō.

This mofo lucky we're in my front yard on grass or I would have beat his ass.

"You liar! You scared us! You said you weren't coming back last night!" He hugs me super tight and I groan.

Yeah. Very much true.

But I got on a plane only within hours of that phone call. I got on the plane a bit drunk and woke up hung over as hell with 8 hours left of the plane ride still.

'Twas not a pleasant experience.

"Sorry." I apologize, the both of us standing up. "I have to at least finish high school and it's too late to transfer schools."

He frowns, grabbing my shoulders.

"Does that mean you're leaving after we graduate?"

"That's the plan." I nod, rocking on my heels. "I got into some good UCs for college and–"

"I refuse." Hinata crosses his arms, looking away.

"Huh?" I frown.

"I refuse to allow you to leave. Sorry."

A small smile comes over my face and I chuckle, tilting my head.

"Aren't you going to Brazil?"

"That's definitely not the same thing!"

~

Our graduation day is approaching and if I'm being honest, it's all been a blur since I got back from the states.

Hinata and Kageyama talk to me occasionally, but everyone has been busy trying to get their plans for after high school in line.

More and more every day I'm starting to feel like I don't belong here.

Well, I really don't. I have to make a decision within the next few days of which college I'd like to go to and I'm leaning towards one in California rather than here in Japan.

I sigh for the billionth time today, walking into my house from what feels like a long day at school, and immediately go into the liquor cabinet.

I grab whatever looks good and head up to my room, locking the door and plopping onto the bed as I begin to drink.

There's a bomb inside of me. Ticking at every second of the day and every time I see Kei or when Suna's name gets brought up, the time until it explodes lessens drastically.

I've been masking my emotions since Suna and I's break up, pushing down everything that threatens to spill but I don't think I can do it anymore.

This is pathetic. I'm pathetic. How can I cry over a boy and losing friends?

I keep thinking about what Suna last said to me, which only makes the tears fall faster.

I've known it since the end of our first year here at Karasuno- how pathetically in love I am with Tsukishima Kei. But he never showed signs of feeling the same and so I thought it would be better if I got rid of the feelings.

And I successfully did just that, or so I thought. The first time I realized that the feelings never actually went away and I was just ignoring them, was when I asked him to be my first kiss. Then even more so after I kissed Suna for the first time.

Kei became someone I'd much rather hold my feelings in for so I don't potentially ruin our friendship. Though I ended up doing that anyways so I guess there was no reason to hold back.

But even so, in saying all that, I still really did like Suna. The thought of ever being with Kei was just so far gone that I allowed myself to like someone else. I honestly and truly did like him- but I just couldn't bring myself to love him. I don't think I ever could have.

I grab my phone, sniffling as I look at the messages he sent me after our breakup.

Rin 😘

Athena I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry for everything I said.

I cut off all contact with that girl, please let me make it up to you.

We can make this work, can't we? I miss you so much.

I'm sorry.

You're not going to respond, huh?

I seen you were in America the other day, I hope you had a good time and a safe flight.

I'm sorry again.

I know I keep texting you, and I know you aren't going to respond. I'm sorry.

This will be the last time I bother you...I'm sorry for ruining things. I love you.

-

I only cry harder, chugging down a bottle of alcohol before moving onto the next.

The two guys I cared about the most left me. This is why you never let a man have that much of a hold on you.

Being into guys is complete bullshit. 2/10 would not recommend.

20 buckets full of tears and multiple empty alcohol bottles later, I find myself calling Tsukishima Kei at 2 in the morning.

The phone rings for so long I'm convinced he's not going to answer, until finally...

"Hello?" His deep, groggy voice comes through the phone.

I freeze, the few seconds of dryness my eyes experienced immediately coming to an end as they water.

"Kanai. Why the fuck are you calling me at this hour? The fuck is wrong with you? We haven't even talked in forever." He groans and I bite my lip hard as tears silently pour down my cheeks.

"I just...wanted to hear your voice." I sniffle, my voice wavering. "I miss you, you know?"

"Athena..."

"I want to be in your arms again. We don't even talk at school." I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "Maybe it's the alcohol talking, but I just feel...I don't know. I–"

"You're drunk?" He cuts me off and I chuckle.

"That's all you got from that?" I ask, sniffling as I wipe my cheeks and he sighs.

"This isn't a conversation meant to have over the phone." He notes.

"Yet you won't talk to me in person." I open my eyes again. "I want to see you so bad. But maybe this is for the best."

"Why?" Kei asks, and I can hear rustling on his end. "I mean, you're not wrong...but what's your reasoning?"

"Because I think if I see you right now, I'm never going to let you go again. Even if you don't want to be my friend anymore." I gulp, inhaling a shaky breath.

A few seconds go by where it's completely silent and the fear of being rejected again creeps into my heart.

"I'm coming over."