She

17| Desire

M A Y A L E V I N E

"I honestly don't find you funny, Josiah"
I grumble at him as he pulls my hair giggling once more. "Momma jumbliblingblum mumblub"
He still has his mumbling moments. I nod and smile; really don't feel like de-coding that.

He slides off of my belly and tumbles off of the bed,
"You good?" I ask, lifting my head slightly. "Mmm" he reassures and stomps over to his toy box, picking up his truck; he has an obsession with trucks.

"Momma play!" he overly exclaims, hopping his way back over to me. "No, momma sleep" I correct him and sink into the covers, earning a loud groan from him.

"Me go play with Lili" he announces and I sigh, "Lili's out on a mission" I lie to this three year olds face; can't really tell him she's very much possibly fighting for her life at the moment, but then again, when is she not?

"What mission?" he asks with curiosity filling his cute, little, sparkly eyes. "The type where she fights the big, bad people and wins!" I smile at his excitement. He jumps about our room, flying his truck around. "Alright, it's time for a nap" I stick my hands out for him to cuddle up to me.

Josi only ever falls asleep if he lays on my chest, so I allow him to curl up into my chest and I wrap my arms around him to ensure he's safe.
Something I lacked when I was younger.

My family had high expectations for me. High grades, great manners. They pretty much forgot that teenage-hood was a thing, that my hormones were all over the place and I didn't really know how to control them; like any normal teenager.

I was expected to be home right after school and work in my mothers shop until the sun set, afterwards I had half an hour to do 'what I wanted' which was mainly homework, followed by tutoring from my father and afterwards, late night church and off to sleep I went. 24/7.

So when the day came, the day of a school party. I was able to go out, I viewed it as a window of opportunity; this was all under strict conditions of course. But they didn't bother me as long as I got to be a teenager for once in my life. That just so happened to be the day I lost my virginity, also became a mother. Well, a woman with a bean-like child in my stomach.

I found out exactly three weeks later and managed to keep it hidden for 4 months until I wasn't able to hide my stomach anymore. Now, given the reputation of my parents, they weren't pleased at all when they found out their only child was eating for two.

Given the fact that I was set on having this baby, my parents had set on kicking me out, calling me a disgrace, a shame to this earth, a sinner.

Everyone sins they always used to repeat, you must forgive they constantly mentioned, why weren't those words valid at the time of need?

Nonetheless, I had been kicked out, so my obvious next move was to turn to the baby daddy whom practically ran away when I mentioned the word 'child'. Therefore I stayed at a motel, worked exhausting hours as well as finishing up school.
Once that graduate degree was announced, I rushed off to a new destination. I made a promise to never look back, never contact my so called 'family' ever again.

Revenge had been stirring up in my mind, I became addicted to drugs yet when I looked at my baby, my heart sank, the guilt of becoming a worse mother overwhelmed me, so I signed up for a fighting club, well, I had seen people go to this one place and I snuck in at one point. Soon to realise that it wasn't just a normal combat club, yet a training course for soon to be mafia members.