She

26| My Blessing

MAYA LEVINE

I hadn't ever thought i'd be doing this.
I never seeked closure, really.

But what do you tell a three year old when he asks about his family? His father wanted nothing to do with him, and his grandparents are the reason he doesn't have family dinners like a normal, happy family member.

I convinced Lilith to stay with Josiah whilst I was out of town to see a 'friend.'
And i'm sure you can all connect the dots and realise i'm currently on my way to speak to my parents.

I pull up onto the street where my childhood sits.
The tilted stop sign from when me and a few kids from the neighbourhood tried tipping it over-
those were the years i'd kill to get back.
The few years where I was allowed to be a kid.

The sun was setting which meant my father's garden lights shone the path up to the porch, the porch which was filled with more potted plants and a bench.

"Fuck this shit," I mumble, swinging the door open and climbing out and stomping over to the property.
The nerve wracking feeling coursing through my body really isn't helping.
I have no clue what i'm going to say either.

I knock gently on the door, slightly hoping no one hears so I have an excuse to just leave.
It's absolutely insane what a mother does for her child.
Well, in Josiah's case anyways.

There are footsteps which appear from behind the door and my heart races, the blood in my body pumping and i'm feeling rather warm. My stomach dips when I hear the keys slides into the lock and I feel my earlier snacks coming back up my throat.

I fiddle with my fingers, staring through the door's blurred window to see a silhouette of a woman.
My mother.

The door is crept open and her face pokes out the gap. I almost let a tear escape when she shuts the door again.
Is this it? Really?

I mean, it would've been nice to at least say hello-

I hear the sound of the door chain slide open and I sigh in somewhat relief, knowing she was unlocking the door so she could open it further. 

I watch her hesitate, reaching for the door handle.
I gulp as the door slowly opens. The anticipation growing and she stands there, her eyes glassy as she scans the grown woman in front of her.

"Maya?" She whispers in disbelief.
I just stand there, watching the woman before me cover her mouth as she gasps.
Before I know it, I am pulled into what I had known to be a motherly hug and I stay still, furrowing my brows.

"No," I scoff, shrugging her off of me. "No?" She scrunches her nose. "You don't get to kick me out, leave me alone with a child and then hug me like nothing ever happened!" I raise my voice.
"Maya baby, that was a terrible mistake," she mumbles and I almost laugh at her attempt to patch the open wound left by her and my father.
"And when did you realise that, that you couldn't have contacted me earlier?" I questioned, "I couldn't have Maya. You disappeared and after your father's death, I didn't try nor did I want to socialise with anyone," she sighs.

My heart stops.
Died?

"What do you mean, dad's death?" I bit down on my cheek to stop myself from breaking down on the spot.
"Oh dear," tears roll down her cheek as she pulls me inside the warm house.
Memories upon memories tied with this place.