Paid to love you - 5 chapters
Title: 5/10. Although the story itself doesn't seem to portray a negative relationship, the title gives the idea of a toxic one.
Cover: 7/10. Clear font with contrasting colors. Not the most unique but certainly gives the book a bestseller aura.
Blurb: 5/10. The first half of it is in first person pov and the second half is in third person narrative. This is a good approach but fails when both parts convey the exact same ideas, making the whole thing repetitive.
The first part was emotive and could have done well on it's own. If you wish to keep the third person narrative, think about adding something new.
Grammar : Use a free grammar site and correct errors. Grammar comes second to most elements, but it makes the novel easier to read.
Characters: Sarah seems to be a bit of a damsel in distress but still likable. I only saw one thing problematic in her character which I have discussed later in this review.
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Chapter 1
Starts off with Sarah waking up and doing mundane tasks. Not the best way to start a story. Either start medias res where she's halfway to work, which would make the information about her work relevant, or add something different that wouldn't be expected in a morning routine.
Her room wall color-- She thinks along the lines of 'I'm not like all other girls' and doesn't like the color pink due to this. As a feminist, I strongly advise you to consider the fact that all women deserve equal respect no matter what color they like or what they wear. Sarah seems to think of herself as mature, when this kind of thought only makes her look childish.
Too much monologue. It would be great if the information was given in between actions.
Emotional backstory, a shining element in the story. Consider saving this for latter chapters, though. The readers can't sympathize with a protagonist they haven't gotten to know yet.
Chapter 2
Smooth flow and good pacing. Readers don't feel too rushed but the story doesn't drag either.
More description for setting is needed.
Narrative broke it's style and became too casual. (example- 'like OMG.'
Chapter 3
I don't encourage emojis in narrative. Use your words, describe what you're trying to convey with that emoji.
Unnecessary capitalization.
Don't shorten words like you do for texting. (example- 'Yh.')
Intriguing ending.
Chapter 4
Dialogue seems to be the biggest issue in this chapter. Double apostrophes were completely abandoned.
Don't use emojis.
Chapter 5
'Okay S... I mean Nick I corrected.' Ellipsis is not suitable for this instance.
correction: "Okay sir-" I cringed at my own mistake- "I mean, Nick." or "Okay s- I mean, Nick," I corrected.
I spotted a way too long paragraph that should be fine if you simply break it into chunks. Remember the Tiptop rule. There must be a paragraph break for every new Time, Person, Topic and Place.
•••
Hope this helped and good luck with your wip!
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