Hate feels just like True Love - 12 chapters
I. OUTSIDE ELEMENTS
Title: 7/10. gives me an idea of the other dynamic and perhaps the central theme of the story? I like that.
I wanted to check if it's overused and typed it into Wattpad. Turns out it is not overused, and actually fits the genre too well??? Because so many mafia romances and similar books popped up. I was surprised.
If I were to be nitpicky, I would say that words like hate and love don't make for a memorable title. And the title acronym would be HFLTL 😭
Why am I still going on about the title? Let's move on.
Blurb: 5/10. oh my goodness I just read the blurb and I am hoping, praying, the person next to me did not steal a glance at my phone. Very, uh, racy and fitting. Good, good.
But, I notice the words like 'dexterously' and 'ruddy' don't really fit the writing or content. It reminded me of a phase when I used to randomly look up words and add that to my writing when really a simple word would have worked just fine. Edit: I've read a couple of the chapters, and I'm guessing the style is intentional, so don't worry about what I said earlier too much.
Second problem is the pov of the blurb? I figured it was from the male's point of view, but there's one or two lines from the female's pov too. Which is fine but the execution is a bit of a mess. If there's a switch in pov (like that line "oxygen filled her lungs" or something), start a new paragraph.
Third problem is too much 'telling'. "Observed the anxiety and anticipation building in her chest" - is she breathing fast? Is she sweating? Is she going red? Is she squirming? Readers need to know what he is seeing.
Cover: 4/10. Mmm not a fan Ig. The warning doesn't need to be on the cover. The background rings picture looks generic. It's just not aesthetic. Doesn't fit the genre either, and if this is intentional, do it better.
The title font is bold and clear, which is a good thing, something I always look out for.
Is the writing on the ring part of the title? No right? If that's the case, change the font or something. As is, readers might automatically read it as part of the title. Of course its a momentary confusion, but it can be avoided altogether.
(Edit: your new cover is gorgeous, but I have to go with the one you had when you requested a review. So sorry!)
II. CHAPTERS
Chapter 1: The character description of the dude was good, I think. That line where his scarred hands are contrasted to his manicure made me remember it specifically.
However, the description of the girl needs more effort. There's a picture of her too right in the middle of the chapter. I can't tell authors what and what not to do on their Wattpad books, but Idk putting a picture like that right in her pov seems a bit lazy. Try to convey her vibe and appearance in writing. We don't even need the whole of her appearance at the start. Give us details that speak to her personality. So, the fact that she wanted to dress sexy? That was good! I got a glimpse of her and I got an idea of her outfit.
"Lily's body writhed under her black dress" - I understand that the writer is maintaining a particular style but this image is disturbing. She's antsy, yes, but the word writhe is giving the mental image of her being a snake under the dress or something. It's odd. It threw me off, sorry. It can be used in a sexual context I suppose, and I get that she is a bit attracted to Elijah but this is just the beginning!
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