Work in Progress - 5 chapters
OUTSIDE ELEMENTS
Title: While I like the implications of character growth and change, it's also such a commonly used phrase among writers, so much so that I was confused as to whether it was actually the title of if the author hadn't settled on one yet. 7/10.
Cover: pretty! I love the aesthetic. The title is also clear. 7/10.
Blurb: pretty generic. All I learned is that the main character is going off to college. More effort needs to be put into the blurb content-wise. No issues in grammar whatsoever. 4/10.
CHAPTERS
Introduction: The opening was pretty good. My interest was piqued. However, the rest of the chapter had no conflict. Each chapter should have a mini plot the way your entire story does.
Chapter 1: I don't like the trope of a character accidentally saying something out loud. She is not even drunk.
And I'm not sure what the worst moment of Bella's life was, but I think it would take more than a stranger's persuasion to go back to parties if that was the setting of her lowest moment.
Chapter 2: She already had suspicions of knowing Tate from somewhere else, then why would she pretend to find it absurd when he says the same thing?
Tate invites Maddison to his room. How is he still with her at the party while the mc is talking to Seth?
Chapter 3: Tate is going down on the scale of likability, which concerns me since he is the love interest. So if Seth really is a bad guy, readers need clues now even if Bella does not realize it yet.
Chapter 4: Hannah can be a bit more grave about her financial situation. There can be more about how she's going to proceed etc. Instead of her going on about love. But I do get that she is madly in love with her boyfriend. I just think that characters move through emotions and events too swiftly.
Chapter 5: I liked the end of this chapter. The very end where Tate shows some decency.
If Bella is in university, specifying what degree she's studying would give insight to her character and goals. I can't guess much from Biology and Economics.
CORE ELEMENTS
Characters: There's a trend of physical descriptions of characters (boys mostly) being 'perfect' or 'beautiful.' But perfect hair or perfect features gives away nothing about the character. Please read my chapter on editing because I have some tips for this problem. 3/10.
Grammar and Writing Style: No grammar errors!!! And the writing style is not bad either. 10/10.
Diversity and Representation: They're all blonde and perfect. Never read anyone indian, mexican, or any other sexuality other than straight for that matter. Sadly, there's nothing to say. 0/10.
Plot and Pace: Very fast. It wouldn't hurt to dwell on characters' reactions to events. 5/10.
A/N:- hello helloooo. thank you submitting a request for a review, author!! good luck with your future writings :)
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