Soulmate of Roses - oneshot
Title: Although the title sounded a little cliche, the story immediately stepped out of its own comfort zone and I really liked the idea of the title now that I look back on it.
Grammar: Sound grammar, not much to correct.
Style: Setting and environment descriptions were well written but not taken too far. A good balance.
Sudden events like Holly's rejection email and the lightning at the coffee shop could be written better. Firstly, the surprise element needs to be refined. Because they're naturally sudden events, but the writing took away some of it's explosiveness. Secondly, the events and reactions failed to align? The reaction needs to happen in a snap. I think it could be bettered in that regard too. (If this was a planned move, it wasn't executed to its best.)
The lightning - did the other customers at the shop not see it? why was there no commotion? Readers would get a little lost with what to think without enough information.
Characters: Readers didn't get a description of Holly's appearance, which I suppose could have been intentional. (Look back, it's the wordcount problem, I'm assuming.)
As to her character, readers are kept in a limbo till halfway through the chapter. The trauma relating to her parents came too out of the blue. In my opinion, it would be better if you dropped hints early on. Her backstory certainly isn't a plot twist, so why write it like one? If you want to hook the readers to keep on reading, leave a trail of crumbs. So by the time this ex boyfriend walks up to her, readers can guess fifty percent of why she murdered her parents, never mind the how, when, where. Because that's what speaks to her character. Why would she kill someone?
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I understand that you had a wordcount limit, so most of this has to be taken with a pinch of salt. Hope you continue taking opportunities to write in contests etc. It really is a pleasure reviewing for you. Please don't take the above suggestions as a negative thing, I truly mean no ill intent. Good luck and take care!
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