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By the end of our journey, I promise to change your view on writing as a taxing task and une...
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COVER - I like it. Font is clear, the picture is perfect for the contents of the book. 10/10.
BLURB - Also darn good. There's a hook (her powers), there's an Inciting incident (friend getting captured), there are stakes (her being a suspect and losing a friend). All good. 10/10.
GRAMMAR - 8/10 One or two spelling errors.
WRITING STYLE - representation (not gonna grade this) 《 I'm sorry but I didn't notice her friend in the first chapter was blind until half way into their conversation. I'm not sure if it was because I didn't read the chapters continously or because it should have been mentioned earlier. Anyway, I'll note it down here so if another review mentions this, you can take their word for it. 》
- words 6/10 《 Sometimes I felt the wording was redundant? For example, "with the help of my hands, I felt my way out of the kitchen." When you feel your way out, its implied that you're using your hands. So that just sounds unnecessary. I think this was in chapter 3 or 4. 》
《 In chapter 5, Anaila details her addiction to something, but I couldn't figure out what exactly? Perhaps it's intentional. If not, maybe make it a bit more obvious what substance exactly she was addicted to.
I've reached chapter 7 and just read a line alluding to this. Are they sleeping pills?
Okay, it's Valium.》
《 I felt like there was a lot of 'telling' in this story? Now, I'm not a hater of the telling technique. But a balance makes the story work. For most of Anaila's coworkers and associates, there are paragraphs of what she thinks of them to the T. It kind of dragged the story in my opinion. I don't know how to fix this at the moment, but if I think of anything, I'll circle back.
Right, I found an example in chapter 6 so you know what I'm jabbering on about. The introduction for Wilson. First, we're told through Anaila's dialogue that Wilson is upto to his ankles in cement from all the construction work. Second, we're given a physical description. Third, we're given a long explanation about how he's a hands-on-the-ground-work kind of guy.
There's a mix of showing and telling for the same thing. Balance isn't using both every time, it's using which is appropriate. 》
《 I have nothing against this writing style but there are some phrases that don't make sense, like "Rubbing the insides of her eyes." Simply "rubbing her eyes" would have sufficed. 》
《 The city name is Whisper city, right? In some places it reads Whistle city. I don't know whether it has two names of it's a mistake, but check it out. 》
OTHER - chapter 10 was my favorite. Also, is something implied between Anaila and Detective Blake? I'm just wondering hehe. (Yesssss I was right).
Specific things author asked me to note
- pacing 6/10 《Things slow down between chapters 4 to 7. Dragged a bit, I would say. 》
《 I don't know if this counts under pacing but on a micro level, the pacing is sometimes disorienting. Meaning, Anaila would be in her head, worrying or thinking about someone and boom, she's in a new environment now. I understand that it's supposed to convey how much she's worrying and doesn't register much but this happens a lot and kind of breaks the imagination a reader might have. 》
- tone 7/10
- characterization 7/10 《 I like how Anaila people-watches in the first scene. It was an active scene even though she essentially does nothing. We see her personality. But further on, I would like to see what shaped this personality. We need to see where her morals come from.
The need is even more poignant when I read chapter 4 where she can't focus because of the scare in chapter 3. Having your eyes gouged out is terrible for everyone. Okay readers know her eyes aren't 'normal'. But we still don't know the personal cost of Anaila losing her powers outside of it being a frightening thing to anyone with eyes that can see the future.
Yes, yes, yes! In chapter 6 and 7, readers meet figures from her past!! This is what I was looking for. When readers know where a character is coming from, whatever happens to the character matters more, the readers will care more. 》
《 I love the friendship between Ryan and Anaila because it goes smooth and they seem like normal friends but there and there Anaila's narrative gives things away revealing how she doesn't think the best of him. Which makes it all the more better!!! Friendships are written better when they're complicated, I don't make the rules.
*cough. After chapter 7, I'm not sure whether to categorise them as friends. But we'll see! 》
《 Detective Blake is a formidable character, but I felt like this admirability we're supposed to feel is forced. Like the author is telling readers exactly what to feel.
But, then again, this is a story written in first person point of view so that we're privy to Anaila's opinions. So maybe I'm nitpicking this. Take everything I say with a pinch of salt. 》
《 From the start, I was wondering why Anaila's workplace and her relationships there were emphasised so much. Then, later, she kind of loses it with an employee and resigns all together. So I get that it's supposed to be a blow for her? And that the introductions and descriptions of most employees in the earlier chapters were premeditated for this low moment for Anaila.
I'm sorry but it didn't really come as an emotional blow. As in, it didn't land. At least not for me. 》
A/N:- Helloheyennbee !! I'm so sorry I'm late!! This happened with your previous review too😔 anyway, I did my best with this one. It's constructive for the most part (there were some points where Ididn't know how you could fix the issue I was going on about). Thanks for requesting a review😊
