Kingdom Come - 5 chapters
Title: The title does give the novel's themes and plot a mysterious but solid aura. It fits, basically (haha).
Cover: Clear font and a background that doesn't distract a viewer. Checks all the boxes for me. Though the cover can be more directed towards the specific genre.
Blurb: Intriguing and neat language. Only one small tip would be to show more of London's character in the blurb. The blurb hints at what she's going to go through, but who is she? Without knowing this, why would we follow her?
Characters: London's personality is slowly unraveled with each chapter. But I would suggest to start strong in the first chapter. Her opinions and stance is immediately given to us, which is great for target audience but if you're looking to attract general readers, more of her personality has to be shown from the start.
Grammar: Ten out of ten. A missed comma here and there but certainly not enough to put me off.
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First chapter
The very start is a description of setting; I have conflicting thoughts so take this with a pinch of salt. I would give the description an eight of ten, but I would prefer if it was weaved into the dialogue? I have no qualms with the quality whatsoever, this is only a suggestion to make it more of a hook. (This is referring to the first few paragraphs only).
As the chapter progresses, I only got more and more intrigued!
One small complaint: when London realizes something is about to go wrong, the dread she feels is 'told' to us. Readers understand that we're supposed to anticipate something, but we don't actually feel it.
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Second chapter
The dialogue between London (MC) and an officer was quite long. However, I did not skip a word. Why?
• Several themes were subtly weaved into the officer's attitude, which I can appreciate as good writing.
• The questions made London more and more nervous but the emotion wasn't overplayed, so the dialogue still had centre attention. Good job.
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Third Chapter
Relationship between London and her friend was well written and their conversation was also easy to follow, considering the fact that the topic was politics, economics etc and I usually don't read from that area.
However, I think the information given in this chapter could be reduced. I was able to keep up, but the continuous stream of new concepts, events and characters made me stop halfway. (Of course, I came back later to finish the chapter, but you know what I mean).
Chapter length can definitely be reduced. I recommend not passing 3k.
London noting down things discussed with her superiors-- firstly, I want to say that it did not, in any way, disrupt the flow of the scene. It gave London a little bit of screen time too, since she was fading out of the conversation without it.
However, I did it find it slightly repetitive. She was writing a to-the-point version of what was being said.
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Fourth Chapter
Favorite chapter out of the others.
Don't mistake the shortness of this part as me having skipped over the chapter. I most certainly read it word for word and thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Fifth Chapter
Word count can be increased, if you prefer it so.
Loved the interrogation shades on a simple thing as taking in a statement. The corruption in the police officer was well written.
I don't know why the police officer insinuated a romantic relationship between Emir and London, but I suppose that's him trying to prod.
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Overall, there is very little to criticize in terms of descriptions, dialogue and flow.
The critiques I made are simply things that could refine characters and pace. To smoothe out the edges, I'd say.
You're well on your way to a great novel. Good luck and I hope to see you here again soon!
bye :D
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