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I. OUTSIDE ELEMENTS
Title: 9/10. I'm seeing a theme and already can note the relevance by the end of the first chapter. We'll done.
Blurb: 6/10. It was not bad by any means. I just found it impersonal? I'm reviewing the blurb after having read the entire story and I know the author can do better than this. I think I want to see why the dressmaker likes his life peaceful. Why this noblewoman cares so much about her dress. And why do their lives both clash!
Cover: 8/10.the cover is so pretty!!!! Even the font matches the thread theme!
II. CHAPTERS
Chapter 1:I like how it started. Because I got a glimpse of Wille's backstory and the ceremony he'll be helping this girl make a bunad for in the future. Quite well thought out, if you ask me.
Looking back, I think this chapter needs a little reviewing. In the sense that I think it can work more to hook readers. I think I mention in this character section but going in more about how Ville doesn't really side with the whole idea of destiny would be interesting, especially since everyone else is so reliant on it. Then later on, when it's revealed that he feels this way because of the abandonment we read about, it'll click better.
Chapter 2: IS VILLE TRANS OH MY GOD-
sorry uh, I got a bit too excited. I thought I got it wrong in the first chapter but okay everything is cleared up and I love it. I'm aware nothing I'm saying makes sense. I apologise.
He made Idunn cry, oh dear. On one hand, I understand Ville's hesitancy to marry. Especially with 'destiny' in the mix. But Idunn is also rightfully upset because he has the option to not care.
Awww they're falling in love~
I quite like the humor in this story so far. Usually, I find it very contrived when there's jokes in traditional/old(?) English, but it was subtle and neat in this story.
This chapter gives a clear shift in the dynamic. Good.
Chapter 3: Jesus he threw the bunad into the fire please-
I love the switch in pov to Ragna and she's like Ville you fool. No on a serious note, this small part was good. At first I wondered why you would diffuse a situation so quickly. But no the tone, the truth she brought to the chapter was more devastating. Well done.
So in the very last part of this chapter, we have Idunn's pov. But there's one paragraph where it accidentally switches to Ville's (the part where he is grateful she hasn't screamed?). I'm assuming it was an accident because the rest of it stays in Idunn's pov. Since it isn't that important, maybe you should take it out.
Chapter 4: im coming back to the humor I mentioned earlier. I dont know if Im just vibing well with the jokes, but this book is truly amusing in an easy going way. In this chalter, this old woman is talking abour dying and passing on her legacy but i still laughed at one point???
Ville is such a panicked mess in the end, it was adorable.
III. CORE ELEMENTS
Characters: 8/10. all the characters are distinct but with Ville, I want to know what he wants. What's his goal and why is this rich lady his inciting incident (a path to get what he wants). Only in chapter 2 do I really understand that he doesn't really care for magic/luck/destiny like others do, and immediately I am told why. Instead (as I must have mentioned in this review already) what can be done is his disinterest/disillusionment can be emphasized more in chapter 1 so that his when he has his first real fight with Idunn in chapter 2, it doesn't come out of the blue.
All the other characters are great, there's just that small change I think will work well for Ville in so many ways.
Writing style and Grammar: 9/10. excellent. The style fits the period and world the story is set in. Though, the clothing the rich lady hires Ville to make? You could take a minute to describe it because nobody will be familiar with the phrase "bunad."
I'm back here after reading all of the story. I realize that the bunad is described in more detail in the latter chapters and really won't do to repeat stuff. But I still wish there was a way to describe the basics of the bunad as soon as it is relevant.
Plot and Pace: 10/10. Perfect actually. The main leads' relationship shifted in each chapter till they finally got together. There were step-by-step reveals for other characters too, like Ragna, Idunn's father and so on.
Diversity and Representation: 8/10. trans rep woohoo!! I like how he fits so well in the society of the story. I have no criticism. The author was able to weave in what he thought of marriage and what he would bring to the table when considering his sex. Amazing. Good job. I'm just saying words at this point.
okkkk I'm done! sorry it took so long hehe. anyway, if you're on the waiting list, please go through the reviews I post before I get to yours and keep editing your book!!!
