A Twisted Love - 5 chapters
OUTSIDE ELEMENTS
Cover: 6/10. Fits the genre! I like the black and red colors as well. The neon red is also cool!
Blurb: 5/10. It fits the genre. But if there is a plot, I'd consider giving away some of the conflict in this space. I also don't like the format of the dialogue in the first bit. It would be more pleasing to the eye if there were spaces between each dialogue. (But I understand if there's a blurb wordcount limit on Wattpad).
Title: 5/10. When I looked it up on Wattpad to find the book, there were so many other books with the same and/or similar titles! I'd suggest something different and more specific to your characters and plot.
CHAPTERS
Chapter 1: It was a pretty steamy start!!! Exactly what readers are looking for. Author told me to watch out for plot - I have to say... maybe add something that pushes the story further a bit more.
Chapter 2: A little bit of (excuse me, as I proceed to forget how to spell) monologuing in this chapter. Nothing is unexpected or new in that part. She loves her job. I don't think you need that many paragraphs to say that. This is called info dumping.
A lot of 'telling' about Andrew and her bond with him. Maybe cut some of it and save it for when readers get his physical description? and perhaps cut out the wife info and make him say it in some dialogue like "oh my wife asked for that laddu recipe."
Chapter 3: Can't say I'm a fan of the way noises are narrated. Instead of using all caps, maybe try writing it into a sentence?
Readers already know why Mira hates Kelly. There's a few redundant paragraphs about her in this chapter.
Is Valerie supposed to be Mira's inner self? if so, mention why she's named Valerie. Additionally, for that section, astericks are used at the start but not at the end. It's not very tidy. One last thing is that I found it rather abrupt. I had to go back and forth twice to understand what was going on.
Chapter 4: The writing style is getting sloppier. I had to skim through. There were several problems I already mentioned in the Editing chapter.
Chapter 5: I stopped reading a few paragraphs in. I realized that there's no intention of editing this book. Comments from a reviewer a year ago have still not been implemented. I've explicitly stated that authors not submit their books unless they're actually looking for feedback.
CORE ELEMENTS
Plot and Pace: 3/10. I'd suggest writing at least one change in each chapter.
At the end of chapter 1, there must be a small spark that ignites chapter 2. In chapter 1, we learn that she dreams of a mystery dude. So maybe she thinks she sees that guy at NYU and follows him. You end the chapter there. In chapter 2, maybe Andrew interrupts her before she can meet the dude. Then you go on with the rest!!
Diversity and Representation: Not bad actually. I think you can add in some more in certain instances. For example, when Mira uses a face mask, you can mention what she's using since indians tend to use more natural ingredients. Specificity is best.
Grammar and Writing style: Missing a lot of periods! A simple fix that'll help a lot!
Some phrases were not right. 'He pulled his head up' csn be replaced with 'he looked up.'
With each chapter, the quality of writing diminished, if I'm being honest. Please use a grammar checking site and correct the errors.
I cannot stress this enough, check out my chapters on editing.
A/N:- Hello. This is an incomplete review for reasons I've mentioned previously. The author is free to take back the payment.
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