✔Celestial Beauty

Chapter 24.3 'Emotions are a bitch.( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮

OLLIE.

"So you've done it?"

I walk up besides Evie, who's silently standing, peering out the window.

"You know I don't think I've ever really taken it all in." She says without turning around.

The sunsets gleaming outside has red and orange hues, with the two suns horizons slowly descending. The ship overlooks the city and from our height, the city is overtaken with the blend of the suns colors.

I sigh as I take in the scenery as well.

"Yea, it's just breathtaking isn't it."

I turn to face Evie and notice her swollen, and puffy eyes. Her face is watery, and her eyes are red.

"Evie, what's wrong."

"Nothing. I just- " She takes a breath to steady herself.

She turns to face me, the light of both suns lighting half of her face yet casting a shadow on the other.

"I love her, Ollie... I love her, but I know she doesn't love me. Not the way I do. Not the way I do..."

More tears roll down her face, she stumbles and falls. Her hands cradle her knees and as she looks back up at me her face blanketed in full sunlight.

"But I don't think I can do it anymore." She whispers.

I crouch down and gently place a hand on hers.

"Evie. I love you so much, so please know that what I'm about to say is because of that."

I pause before I start my monologue.

"There was this one dude in class that I used to catch staring at me all day, and at first I used to think that I must have something on my face. Because there was absolutely no way in hell someone broke the rules the way I did, by not taking the medication every morning.

I couldn't believe it. No, it was more like I wouldn't believe it. Because if I let myself believe, even for a second, then I would have to come to terms with the fact I was completely, utterly, stupidly. Scared out of my mind. I was so scared in fact that I even indulged in thinking about going back on the meds. I told myself 'Maybe emotions were a disease. Maybe its a good thing, they're supposed to help me not feel this way.'

Though I didn't go back on the meds, I did ignore the dude. I never talked to him or stole glances back. I told myself that by not being with me, he was saving himself from a world of hurt and confusion. Then one morning, there was an announcement, that a student had been caught infected, and not taking his medicine. When I went to class that afternoon I realized he was missing, and so was everything else of his. It was as though he hadn't ever existed. Of course there was a part of me that was worried of being found out as well, but there was bigger part, that I didn't want to admit, that was devastated. I told myself that it was just me scared of my own emotions. But it wasn't, not really. Deep down I knew that it was really just me not wanting to come to terms with me letting someone in."

I drag my eyes away from the wall and Evie is staring right at me.

"Basically all I'm trying to say is, I know your scared. I know that loving someone can be overwhelming sometimes especially if its real" I picture Cass in my head standing against the doorway. "But if you let yourself feel it, even if you think it won't be reciprocated, that overwhelming feeling that has your heart in a cage. Can be freed. One step at a time."

I feel my face go damp and try to clear my vision.

"Because it isn't just about loving them Evie. It's also about loving yourself."