behind the wheel

~15: Karl~

//tw: nsfw flashbacks, mature language

I haven't left my room in almost a week.

Connor and George have tried getting me to come and talk to them but it's no use.

I don't think I'll ever be able to show my face to any of my friends again.

I know I'm gay, and I'm pretty honking obvious about it all the time, but I never thought I would ever end up getting so wasted that I would do... that... with anyone.

Especially with a close friend.

I cringed, curled up in the safety and comfort of my covers.

Was it morning time? I couldn't tell. Eh. Who cares anyway.

As I tried to force myself back into my depression-induced coma, I got another painful flashback.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop it from happening, but it was already beginning to play out.

~

I had no idea what I was feeling.

Did I like this?

Was this something I actually enjoyed doing for someone?

Did hearing my name like that do anything for me?

All of these thoughts seemed far away, the entirety of my mind feeling like a black hole because of the alcohol.

I had never drunk this much in my life.

My brain was running on autopilot, leaving me wondering how in hell I even knew how to do any of this.

I don't think I'll ever do it again.

It makes me feel weird.

Or is that the alcohol again...?

My mouth filled and I swallowed, feeling some of the weird tasting liquid drip down my face.

I reached up to swipe across my chin with my hoodie sleeve, not recognizing I wasn't even wearing a hoodie anymore so I was just getting my wrist dirty.

Because I still wasn't really registering anything that was happening, I didn't even realize when I was pulled from my position on the ground into a sloppy kiss.

Hands ran all over me and I shivered.

This feels...

...wrong.

~

I was now sobbing, tears pouring down my face as I clutched at my pillow and cried into it.

Why was this happening to me?

Was I broken?

That would explain why the memories won't leave me alone.

And why I kept asking myself why nothing from that night felt like it should have.

There was a knock at my door and I ignored it again, hearing two concerned voices whispering behind the locked white door.

I reached up to wipe my tears, my black hoodie stained with snot and tears from the past few days.

My stomach was trying to get me to realize that I was hungry, but I kept ignoring it.

There was no way I was leaving my room. No matter what.

As I scanned the surroundings of my room, my gaze caught on my favorite object to stare at.

My favorite hoodie had been stranded on my setup chair since I threw it there, after getting my memories back to me that first morning.

I stared at the logo on the front, the swirl seeming to hypnotize me into zoning out for the rest of the day.

I thought to myself how I probably needed a shower, my greasy, sweaty hair sticking to my forehead and the back of my neck as I ran a shaky hand over it.

I probably looked like a wreck.

It's a good thing I removed all the mirrors from my room a few months ago.

I slowly sat up, tearing my focus from the hoodie and pulling out my phone to see how many missed calls and messages I had.

30 messages, 25 missed phone calls from Goggy Woggy Smoggy

47 messages, 32 missed phone calls from Sonic the Hedgehog

1 missed phone call, 1 voicemail, 1 message from Sappy Nappy <3

Wait.

My heart stopped as I stared at the screen of my phone, feeling unable to function.

I forced myself to click on the voicemail, listening to the message with an unreadable expression on my face.

I almost melted at the sound of Sapnap's voice coming through the speaker, my insides turning to jelly.

"Hey, Karl... I just wanted to apologize for what happened after the party. I don't really remember much, but I do know that whatever happened was unintentional and I really don't want anything to happen to our friendship because of it. I honestly don't know how to feel about the whole thing and I've been running myself up the fucking wall because of it, so please call me back when you get the chance. If you're up to it. I don't want to force you to do anything before you're ready I promise. Okay uh... that's all I think. Bye."

There was a click as the voicemail ended.

I stared straight in front of me, my face red and my stomach filled with butterflies.

Just the fact that he had gone out of his way to call and apologize, for something he probably didn't even need to apologize for in the first place, made my heart flutter.

I clicked on the message, a smile forming on my face for the first time since the party as I read it.

Sappy Nappy <3: Hey. Connor and George told me about how you've been doing. Please go get something to eat or at least talk to them. You owe them at least a visit to the living room. They're worried sick about you, and so am I. I hope you're feeling decent. Again, I'm so sorry you're holding up like this. You don't deserve any of it.

I hugged my phone to my chest, forgetting I left him on read as I finally stood up and stretched.

It's amazing what getting a voicemail and a text message can do to someone who's been in hiding for almost a week.

When I walked up to the door, I stopped, staring at the handle as my hand hovered over the lock.

What in the honk was my reaction to Sapnap reaching out to me?

And why did it feel so... right?

-

Chapter 15 is finally done! I had writer's block for a while before writing this one but I love the way it turned out. Next chapter should be fun ;))
Happy reading!! <3