Through The Eyes Of

Cold Turkey

Slash

A whimper is all I can get out. I don't know where I am; I can't open my eyes, my head hurts too much and I'm too nauseated and I somehow know that if I do open my eyes the room is going to tilt and spin and I'm going to puke. But I can still feel and smell. I can tell I'm in a bed; not my bed in the loft it smells too clean for that and not the bed Duff and I had before...a hotel maybe? I can hear the TV droning on in the background and I can smell another familiar smell: Duff. Comfort, love, safety, happiness; that smell means all of those things. I reach my hand out and feel around for him and wince again when my head throbs and my stomach churns. Almost immediately I feel an arm wrapped around me and a hand strokes my hair back off of my clammy forehead. A soft kiss is placed on my face beside my eye. "Hey baby boy, you awake?" I hear Duff's quiet voice asking.

"Where are we? I'm sick; I think I'm going to die. I need some smack Duff, I know you don't want me to have any but I've never felt this bad in my life, please Duff? Help me? I'm sorry I was so mean to you earlier but please..." I beg and feel a tear run down my face. Oh fuck I feel like shit! I'm shaking and soaked with sweat so I'm cold where the air conditioning is blowing on me but I'm sweating like a pig and my nose is running and my stomach is burning and it HURTS right at the top of my belly just under my ribs and I curl up into as tight of a ball as I can.

"Sweetheart, I know you're gonna hate me but no; I'm not giving you any more, you're going cold turkey. You can't handle yourself on it; I found you beaten up in the street with no wallet and no shoes and piss all over yourself; it could have been so much worse and you know it. So no more smack for you; I'm sorry to be the one to make you feel so bad right now but I love you too much to let you stay on it," Duff tells me firmly and I know he will not be swayed.

I make a high pitched keening noise and start to sob out my misery but the urge to vomit comes on so fast I almost don't make it into a sitting position. Duff, of course being my eternal saving grace has already anticipated that and plants a trash can in my lap just as I start to puke. I throw up the little that I've eaten since yesterday but continue to wretch until not even yellow bile is spewing out, I'm just drooling with every heave. Every spasm sends a burning pain through my stomach too; it hurts so bad and I wrap my arm around it and hunch up in a ball to keep it from hurting worse. Duff takes the trash can away and gently cleans off my face with some tissues and then a cool cloth. He wipes down my neck and chest and ears too and it does make me feel better but then I start sweating again while my teeth chatter. I'm so uncomfortable and in so much stomach pain that I curl up into Duff's lap sort of and lay there shaking and whimpering.

"You want to lay in a hot bath? Would that help sweetness? Duff asks worriedly.

I nod at him and whisper; yeah, I think that would feel nice." He strokes my hair for another second and then gets up to start the water. The sound of the water running and the way the bed dipped when Duff stood up was enough to throw my stomach into spasms again and I wrapped myself around the trashcan while Duff rubbed my back. When the spasms were over Duff got me up and moved into the bathroom where he ran a tub full of hot water and let me relieve my bladder on the toilet. He twisted my hair up into some sort of messy ponytail and then helped me lower shaky body into the steaming water. It feels so good on my skin. Thoughts of death leave me for a few minutes. I get settled back against the cold porcelain and let my body sink down into the hot water. Duff was right, it was better; for a little while. Once the water started to get cold Duff turned the shower on and washed my hair and then bundled me up in towels and dried me off. He put me back in boxers and t-shirt and laid me back down in the bed. Izzy and Axl came back with some soup and crackers and sandwiches and stuff and Izzy convinced me to eat some crackers and take some antacids to take some of the burn out of my stomach. It worked a little but it still hurt. But the shakes started again and I threw up the crackers and the water and the pain came back; pain in my joints, pain in my stomach, pain in my head, pain everywhere! I started sweating and shivering like crazy again and this time in addition to the valium Izzy gave me two of Duff's left over percocets which within 20 minutes eased the cramp in my stomach immensely and knocked me out again.