Dueling Golf Carts: Much More Exciting Than Dueling Banjos

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Axl's POV

What the fuck is that crazy motherfucker Nikki doing? He's totally tearing up his yard with a fucking golf cart. Grass is fucking flying everywhere...and there went a fucking rose bush. I can hear Duff yell and see him run his hand across where thorns obviously got him.

"Izzy," I scream at him as I come up along side of the other golf cart. He just smirks drunkenly and flips me off once more. "Goddamn it Izzy!" Then I see an evil gleam on Nikki's face as he swerved the golf cart into the one I was driving. This son of a bitch is infuckingsane!

The next thing I know Tommy is again air born. "Fuuuuuuck duuuuude!" His voice calls out as he hits Nikki's gouged up lawn. All I see is cock and ass revolving around. He rolls a few times and is stopped by a Palm tree.

"You dumb fuck Tommy!" Nikki yells, "You trying to break a fucking arm!"

"I'm good!" Tommy excitedly laughs and comes running, dick swinging, for the golf cart again.

I glare over at Izzy in arms reach of me. "Get out of the fucking cart!" I yell at him over Ozzy. I reach out and grab his arm.

"Fuck off," he slurs and jerks his arm away.

"You can't have him red!" Nikki yells and takes off in the fucking cart again.

"Dude go!" Tommy yells at me excitedly as he slides back into our golf cart.

Just as I'm taking off again Nikki's sprinklers come on and shoot me in the fucking face. I'm going to fucking kill Nikki Goddamn Sixx! Izzy is more fucked up than I have ever seen him before. I know Nikki helped him get that way. As we are blazing across the wet lawn Nikki's cart goes into a donut then he whizzes past me in the other direction. When I turn I feel two wheels come off the ground. I spin out trying to get traction on the wet grass.

In front of me I can hear Slash screaming, "Nikki! Man wake up!"

Nikki is slumped over the wheel either passed out or fucking dead. Izzy grabs the wheel and jerks it sideways as the out of control golf cart is heading for the pool. But the wheels on Izzy's side are already in the pool. The cart scrapes across the concrete. Teeters a bit then dumps over sideways into the fucking pool. Great, now band is going to drown.

"Shit Nikki!" Tommy yells diving into the pool.

Duff surfaces holding a flailing Slash in his arms, guess he doesn't swim. Then I see Izzy's head come to the surface, there's blood in the water around him. He grabs his head so I assume that's where the blood is coming from.

"Izzy are you ok?" I ask him.

He doesn't answer, he instead dives under the water. All I can see is him swimming down to the submerged cart. I'm freaking out and about to jump in when I see him and Tommy come up with Nikki. I think he's fucking dead. They swim over to me and I grab an arm and start pulling. Izzy quickly climbs onto Nikki's chest. He opens Nikki's mouth and places his own over it. He blows air deeply into Nikki's lungs. Nothing happens so Izzy does it again. This time water from Nikki's lungs sprays across Izzy's face. Nikki starts to cough as more water comes out of him. His eyes open and his brows crease as he looks at Izzy on top of him.

"Dude you passed out and crashed into the fucking pool!" Tommy says helping him sit up.

"You're bleeding," I say to Izzy and reach for his head. He slaps my hand away. People come running from all directions.

"Nikki are you ok?" Vince asks.

Nikki just lays there and laughs like the insane motherfucker he is. "I'll be fine as soon as Stradlin gets his dick off my stomach."

"Izz, You ok?" Slash asks pulling himself out
of the pool next to Izzy.

Izzy just touches the side of his head. He pulls his hand away and sees the blood. He pushes himself up off Nikki giving everyone gratuitous dick and ass shots.

"Axl, oh my god what happened?" Erin asks me shoving her way through the crowd.

Izzy's eyes narrow as he watches her. She eyes his dick but tries to ignore it. I'm hoping like fucking hell that in this inebriated state that he doesn't cause a scene. That was the kind of thing Izzy would do when he was drunk.

"Everything's fine now," I nod.

"Who the fuck are you?" Izzy asks. Fuck me.

Erin looks at him not really sure of what to say. "I...I'm Erin."

Izzy just smirks and gives me a dead glare. "Getting us groupies already Axe?"

"Hey I'm not some fucking groupie!" Erin slams her finger into Izzy's chest.

Nikki laughs and throws his arm around Izzy's shoulder, "What is it with you and fucking red heads?"

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