Through The Eyes Of

Now You're Just Somebody That I Used To Know

Axl

Yeah, I saw him with the girl. I saw a glimpse of a guy I knew a very long time ago. A person that I basically thought was gone, or at least heavily shielded by smack. But watching him with that girl...well I know he still has some compassion left in that barely beating heart of his. Maybe he wasn't completely gone yet. But I'm not optimistic at what this current path will bring him. Its a dead end street. A one way. And in the end Izzy ends up in a pine box.

I came down here to find Izzy. I just had to see him after last night. When he was standing at the top of those stairs with Tommy pounding away behind him I almost fucking lost it. But then our eyes met. From downstairs I could see him crying. I could see the pain in his eyes, both mental and physical. When he flipped me off it looked like he was about to crumble into ash. He only did it to get back at me. Just a clever ploy to show me how in control he was.

Izzy and I had always had dominate personalities. However I'm more in your face and Izzy is more behind your back. I was like police sirens and ambulances, loud, bright, and distracting. Izzy was like a black widow spider, beautiful. Then it seduces the male, busts a nut and then eats the motherfucker. Izzy had being subtile down to a unique art form. Plus Izzy never takes anything lying down, he's a fighter and survivor, and street smart like you wouldn't fucking believe. You could dump Izzy naked in the middle of some city he's never been to and the fucker would find a way to get whatever he needed. One thing about Izzy, when he's made up his mind, that's fucking that. He was damn well going to make sure I felt his pain.

What should I even say to him? What the fuck was there left to say? I'm sorry you choose dope over us? I'm sorry you think I'm being a dick? No. That would never do because we are way past I'm sorry. Sorry couldn't fix any of our problems any more than confession and prayer could save our souls. Sorry couldn't undo the damage we had done to one another. I guess the better question would be, what could fix us? Is that even a possibility now? Or was it too late?

My thoughts drift off to Erin. She made me feel 16 again. Like I was with Izzy, my Izzy. When I was with her the pain just didn't cut as deep. She made me feel safe. She made me smile and for a short time forget all about Izzy. Not being able to feel Izzy festering inside of me was exactly what I had needed. It was an addictive feeling that I wanted more of.When I walked her home I didn't want to leave. And when I kissed her goodnight I didn't want to stop.

I stand back in the shadows until the girl is out of sight. Izzy leans back into the wall with a sigh and fishes a cigarette from his pocket. He lights it and reclines his head back on the bricks. He closes his eyes for a moment letting the shit sink in and trying to shake it off all at the same time. He exhales and runs his hand over his face. His eyes open and he fixes his sight on nothing and just stares blankly, but deeply in thought. I for a split second want to just turn around and walk away. But I'm not without compassion. He was hurting. I didn't want him to hurt, honestly.

I shove my hands into my pockets and look down as I emerge from the shadows. Izzy sees me and drags from his cigarette. "Come to bust my other fucking lip?" He huffs, "Or you looking to score for old times sake?"
I just look at him and shake my head no. I literally watch as the weight of the world crashes down on his shoulders. Yeah, I know I'm the one that put it there. But he had done it to me too.

"Then what the fuck do you want?" He impatiently exhales as his eyes scan up and down the alley.

"I...I just wanted to make sure you were ok," I stammer.

He smirks slightly and shakes his head, "Yeah, I bet." He is in full on defensive mode. I can smell the liquor on his breath from here. In his hairline I see a light sweat from a quickly fading fix. His eyes look like a spun off raccoon or something.