Through The Eyes Of

Crazy Train In a Golf Cart

Slash
Nikki's party is beyond awesome! There are chicks everywhere, stripping on the tables, draped over the furniture, dancing on the deck and most of them are half naked and all of them are hot. There's cocaine in candy dishes all over the end tables and other various surfaces throughout the house along with razor blades, mirrors and straws for cutting and snorting. The kitchen table is covered with liquor bottles and beer covers the kitchen counter, is on ice in the sink and there are coolers full of it outside next to the hot tub. As soon as we got here Steven threw himself headfirst into picking up girls to score with and I see through the kitchen window that there's already a pretty brunette riding him in the hot tub which is currently the location of a huge orgy. Jesus Christ, I've never seen anything like that in real life but there it is right in front of me.

Duff and I are already drunk and are snorting coke with Motley's drummer Tommy Lee off of the top of the microwave. Tommy is one of the funniest, most hyper people I have ever met. He came bounding into the kitchen a few minutes ago, spotted Duff and I and came over smiling like an idiot and yelled over the music blaring out of the living room "Hey, you two must be Duff and Slash, Nikki told me to look for a guy with way too many curls and a 6 foot blonde! That has to be you two! I'm Tommy!"

"That would be us," Duff laughs and holds out his hand. Tommy shakes it and then shakes my hand. "So Nikki said that your band is good, might actually make it, or at least the sum of your parts is good. Want to go downstairs and jam for a while? Where's your singer?"

"He's in the living room I think, our drummer's a little uh, occupied at the moment though," I laugh "and Izzy, our rhythm guitarist went off somewhere with Nikki."

"Yeah, he and Nikki are upstairs getting fucked up. Nikki's excited to have someone to properly talk about dope with who can shoot up as much as he can. Nikki can always spot other junkies with brains; it's like a sixth sense he has something; detecting other junkies at first sight. Izzy's cool, I talked to him upstairs for a while; he's one of those quiet, tortured genius types isn't he?" Tommy asks and snorts another line.

"Yeah that would be him," Duff sighs. "So he's totally wasted? He's supposed to be trying to cut back; his love for smack is going to be his undoing; it already undid his relationship with Axl."

"That why his face is all bruised up?" Tommy asks.

"Yeah," I tell him. "He's had a rough couple of days."

"Well he's not having a rough time right now," Tommy laughs. "When I came downstairs he and Nikki were both high as kites and sprawled out on Nikki's bed and they had chicks sucking their dicks. Nikki must like him if he has his junk out in front of him, I've never seen him get it up in front of anyone that wasn't in our band; well shit, he can't even do chicks with Vince in the room. I think Izzy's just made a life-long friend." Duff doesn't look very happy about this fact because it means that Izzy will now have someone to shoot up with. I squeeze his hand to let him know I get it and he squeezes back which tells me he got the message. Tommy's too wasted to notice.

"So which one's your drummer?" Tommy asks with a wicked smile on his face and gesturing towards the cesspool of sin that is the hot tub.

"The blonde one going at the chick from behind," Duff laughs. I look out the window and see Steven fucking a chick from the back like a fucking rabbit. All three of us start laughing at the sight of Steven's naked ass moving so fast. "Well looks like he's busy at the moment; come one let's find your singer so we can jam, I'll play drums!" Tommy says bounding into the living room.

Duff and I follow him and Tommy looks at us waiting for us to point him out. I look around and see him sitting on a window seat talking to a tiny girl who looks like a model; she just has that look. The thing that annoys me is that Axl looks totally enthralled in her; he left Izz on or doorstep yesterday after he beat the crap out of him and he's wrapped up in some girl today? I saw him and Izzy together that day in the ocean; I saw how they touched each other, how they whispered things to each other, and I saw how good the sex was between them; you can't fucking tell me Axl didn't love him.

At that moment there is a huge commotion outside the living room window, the one Axl and the girl are sitting in front of. The pool is outside and is filled with rockers and girls in bikinis. Poison is out there, I hate those fucks. People are moving away from the deep end of the pool closest to the house and lots of them seem to be yelling encouragingly at what I'm guessing is a window or a balcony on the second floor. Suddenly a body comes hurtling down into the pool; a hooting, stark naked body splashes into the 12 foot water and quickly resurfaces. It's Izzy. A second naked person quickly follows and Nikki comes up spitting and raises his arms in triumph and high fives Izzy. Everyone in the pool starts raising their beer bottles and cups and cheering. Izzy and Nikki revel in their victory at the fact that they survived I guess?

Izzy and Nikki jump out of the pool and grab some towels from the racks beside the pool and dry off; wrapping the towels around their waists. Tommy suddenly runs off and not even a minute later he's hurtling into the pool naked too. He yells at Nikki and Izzy but they laugh and run off towards the garage. Some chicks distract Tommy and Duff and I walk out of the back door onto the pool deck to watch the show. We're both pretty drunk and now high as fuck on coke and we're dying laughing at all the naked people who are now launching themselves off of a balcony above the pool. A few seconds later a golf cart comes speeding over the pool deck towards Duff and I and then screetches to a halt, that thing had to be moving 30 mph!

Nikki is piloting it and Izzy's in the passenger seat and they're both still wearing only towels. Out of the corner of my eye I see that Tommy has climbed out of the pool and is drying off. "Holy fuck!" Duff exclaims. "I heard Tommy Lee had a huge dick but that is the biggest fucking thing I have ever seen. Izzy's head snaps around and his eyebrows shoot up in interest. Nikki watches him and cracks up laughing. "You should try and get a piece of him Stradlin, he swings both ways too; want to try that up your ass?" he asks.

Izzy turns around and grins. "Shut up fucker," he says back to Nikki. Nikki just grins.

He turns to look at us and says "Get in you two!" There are some chicks trying to climb into the rear two seats of the cart but Nikki growls "Get out bitches!" and they quickly move away and Duff and I jump in.
Axl emerges from the house right then and yells at Izzy, telling him to get out of the cart before he gets killed because all four of us are wasted and have no business driving anything. Izzy sits up on his knees and drops the towel exposing himself to Axl and the rest of us; it's a nice view I'll admit. Duff catches me looking and punches me lighly in the arm, "Hey, don't be checking out his junk!" he protests.

"I wasn't! It's just that it was right in my face!" I laugh and wrap my arms around him and pull him into a kiss.

"You want me to put it in your face McKagan?" Izzy asks and laughs, shaking his dick at Duff.
"Put that shit away asshole!" Duff chuckles and Izzy shimmy's violently back and forth causing his dick to shake so hard it smacks against his legs.

"Enough of that thing Stradlin! Nikki says "Hold on, we're pulling out Nikki sneers as Axl approaches the cart calling Izzy's name. Izzy sits up taller on his knees and grabs his crotch and thrusts it and his middle finger towards Axl and grabs onto the back of the seat, his body lurching as Nikki peels out across the deck into the yard. Axl shrieks in fury and Tommy streaks by (literally streaks across the deck, nuts flapping in the wind and yells to Axl to follow him to the garage that there's another cart.

Nikki drives our cart across his deck and the patio where the pool orgy is still going on and then down onto the lawn. We go flying around Nikki's huge yard and a few seconds later I see another cart following us driven by Axl with Tommy holding onto the roof. Tommy is yelling for Axl to drive faster (which he can't, it's a golf cart) and Axl is yelling Izzy's name. Nikki starts cackling in the seat next to Izzy who stands up and holds onto the roof while flipping Axl the bird and yelling to Tommy that he wants to see his big dick again and Tommy yells back that he'll whip it out any time Izzy asks.

Axl slams on the brakes and Tommy flies off the roof and lands on the ground with a loud "oof." You'd think he'd be hurt but he's not, he stands up and jumps onto the backseat of Axl's cart as it tears after ours. I can hear Axl cursing and now he's yelling at Tommy and Izzy and Tommy's yelling at Izzy about how he likes what he's displaying. Good fucking god!

"Look," Nikki says to me over his shoulder, "it has a cassette player! He turns on a stereo mounted into the dashboard and "Crazy Train" blares out. I look back at Axl and Tommy's cart, at Duff who's trying to get his hand down my pants, at Izzy who's showing off his dick to Tommy and at Nikki who's laughing maniacally at the wheel of a fucking golf cart and tearing around his property in circles as fast as he can. Ozzy Osborne screams "I'm goin off the rails on the crazy train!" and I just start laughing. This is the fucking greatest party ever!