Through The Eyes Of

Insatiable

Angela

Something weighs heavily on Izzy's mind tonight, but then he always seemed to have something on his mind. Yet tonight it seemed like his thoughts were rooted more deeply inside his own head than normal. Here he is snuggled up behind me and he isn't even trying anything on me. We live together, posing as girlfriend and boyfriend and he has never done anything besides kiss me. Maybe he wasn't as bi as he liked to let on. Maybe he hasn't gotten over Axl yet. Maybe he only has me here because Axl has a girlfriend. Maybe I was just to make Axl jealous. I mean what did I really expect here? Axl himself had called Erin and I things like eye candy and arm candy. Maybe the extent of Izzy's interest in me was just that. Maybe he could only love Axl.

Plus what boyfriend doesn't mind the fact that his girlfriend is a stripper? Izzy actually encouraged it. That shit wasn't normal, I don't care how much trust a guy has. No man wants their girl taking her clothes off for strangers. Why do you think strippers can't keep a boyfriend? But the money was all that seemed to matter to Izzy. In fact I don't think he has even come in the club to watch me dance. I hated dancing for all those perverted bastards. I wouldn't mind stripping for Izzy though.

I guess I should stay detached from Izzy because I know he can never be mine. We would never have a normal and conventional relationship. We started out with a lie. The lie that I was to appear as Izzy's girlfriend. Maybe a tiny little part of me wanted to be his. I mean Izzy's a pretty good looking guy. He's smart. He's funny. And I never feel as safe as I do when I'm with him.

Maybe Izzy is just as much of a junkie as my ex. God knows all he cared about was his next fix. It would be nothing for us to go for months without ever having sex. He was always either too high or dope sick, or chasing that next fix. But Izzy just didn't seem that strung out to me. Maybe he just had more practice. Or perhaps his habit wasn't that high. I never see him nodding or drooling. He never seems to show any sign of sickness.

Izzy was just one huge mystery. He allured and intrigued me. I really wanted to get to know him better. I wished he would talk to me when he gets like this. I don't think there's anyone he feels he can talk to. Maybe Axl was the person he had talked to. Now he couldn't. I feel him shift behind me and roll onto his back with a sigh.

I look over my shoulder at him, "Izzy, is everything ok?"

"Yeah," he says softly as he stares up at the ceiling.

"Trouble at work tonight?" I ask hoping to spark up some sort of a conversation.

"Nah," he exhales, "band issues."

I roll over onto my other side to face him, gently laying my hand on his bare chest. His eyes never falter from his blank stare at the ceiling. "Want to talk about it?"

He sighs deeply and reaches over for his cigarettes. He pulls one out and places it between his lips as his hand snakes down under the covers to retrieve his lighter from his pocket. He pulls it out and leans his head up a bit to light his cigarette. He drags deeply from it and lays his head back down. "I'm not one to discuss my problems Angie."

"You didn't seem to have a problem the night we met," I remind him because he seemed to have no difficulty telling me about his and Axl's breakup that night.

He shrugs, "Never really thought I'd see you again, ya know? It's easier to tell people shit when you know you'll never see them again."

"But aren't I supposed to be your girlfriend for all intent and purposes?" I smile.

"Trust me darlin, it's nothing you need concern yourself with. Just boring...politics I guess you could say." He again drags from his cigarette.

I just nod. I pause as I sit and watch him exhale. His lips are so sexy when he does that. "Izzy?"