Through The Eyes Of

Done With Heartbreak

Izzy

Great, Duff and Izzy left to go find Axl and I'm stuck here with Steven. Don't get me wrong I like the guy but he was so damn dumb. He was the nicest guy in the world but sometimes his total lack of intellect annoyed the living fuck out of me. I think it's all the booze and drugs. I swear some people really do get stupider the more pot they smoke; some people just get stoned and then get over it and then there are those like Steven where it's obvious brain cells are being killed off with every puff. I wish Slash or Duff had stayed here with me but I understand why they didn't. It would piss Axl off even more if I was left alone with Slash since he's convinced there's something going on between us and Duff had to go with him as the peacemaker since Axl obviously wouldn't listen to anything Slash had to say unless he was forced to and Duff's a lot bigger than Axl so he can sit on him while Slash talks.

Honestly I'm grateful to the two of them for going to find Axl and talk to him but I also kind of feel like it makes me look like a pussy. I should be able to talk to my own boyfriend without my friends running interference but maybe it's gotten past that point; I don't think Axl would listen to anything I have to say right now. It's like he thinks I'm not worth listening to at all anymore; like I'm some sort of liar in addition to being nothing but a piece of shit junkie. I can't believe he called me that! Well, yeah actually I can it is Axl after all but man does that shit fucking hurt! Lately I swear he fucking gets off on hurting my feelings or some shit. I know he loves me or he wouldn't get so angry about shit but he has a funny way of showing it.

The sex isn't even any good right now; it's like he's only halfway there and doesn't really want to do it all, I feel like he's just humoring me and don't ask me when the last time he topped was. That's why I told Slash today to make sure he and Duff switched roles a lot; so it doesn't feel stale and make one person feel like they always have to work the other over to turn them on. I miss the days that Axl couldn't wait to get his dick in my ass. Sometimes we would even do it in public places to add to the thrill and see if we would get caught; places like the McDonald's bathroom and the drive-in on the outskirts of Lafayette. He used to beg for it in the back of my old car. I miss those pretty lips whispering "Please Izzy, please let me have you," in my ear.

Maybe it's just the cycle of relationships; at first it's new and exciting and then it goes up and down after that and then maybe you eventually drift apart? I hadn't really thought of it that way until I was forced to be around Blondie and Curly Sue on a consistent basis; those two are over the fucking moon for each other and I'm so jealous. When Steven and I walked in tonight they were making out up against the kitchen counter and Slash had his hand down Duff's pants and Duff looked like he was about to climb the fucking wall; but then if that pretty little thing had his hand down my pants I'd be about to jizz on the spot too. Duff is a lucky son of a bitch but at least he fucking appreciates that fact. I wish I could get Axl to moan like that just by putting my hand down his pants while we were making out but all I'd get right now is a sigh that said he was just resigned to it; shit I'd have to stand there and stroke him just to get him hard! My god I want things back to how they used to be; I just want my Fireball to want me again and stop breaking my heart!

I shake myself out of my thoughts; well as best I can as smacked out as I am. Steven looks over at me and holds out a pack of cigarettes. I gratefully take one and light it, curling up into a ball on the couch. Good fucking thing I love sleeping on this couch because it may be my bed for a while because I can't bear the thought of going back to my empty apartment and sleeping there alone. "You alright Izzy?" Steven asks me eyeing my curled up form warily.

"I'm fine man, don't worry about," I answer and blow smoke up into the air.

"Are you mad that I dragged you out of your apartment and over here? You didn't really look like you should be left alone," Steven says.