Through The Eyes Of

I Just Want My Izzy Back

Duff

I notice Slash staring at me as we drive. This whole situation with Axl and Izzy really seems to bug him. I guess he should have been warned about what he was getting himself into. Axl was like a fucking time bomb. One minute he could be the greatest guy you know, and the next you just want to fucking kill his ass. And Izzy was the complete opposite. I admired Izzy for the way he put up with Axl. Izzy was one step away from sainthood for that shit.

"Duff?" Slash says softly.

"Yeah babe?" I ask and glance at him.

"Promise me we'll never be like them."

"How could you even think that?" I say and wrap my right arm around him and tug him closer to me. "Axl's fucking crazy. Izzy's been dealing with this shit for years. Everything will work itself out. They'll be fine in a few days when Axl's mood shifts again. And I promise you...we will never be like those two." I kiss his cheek as I drive with one eye on the road. "I love you."

"I love you," he says and lays his head on my shoulder. "This band could really make it Duff...if we can just hold it together."

"I wouldn't worry about that. Axl and Izzy both are determined to make it. And deep down they both know they can't do it without one another. Axl needs Izzy's ability to create music and Izzy needs Axl's voice. They'll see that soon enough," I explain.

"Duff," I hear him sighing, "You think Izzy's going to be ok? I mean earlier he almost..."

"Izzy's usually pretty maintained with his habit. I've never seen him do that shit before." I had watched my ex-girlfriend do it though. She did it every time we had a fight, which was pretty often.

"Why would he do that?" He asks me with those big brown eyes. He has so many questions. I guess I've seen too much in life, because I have the answers.

"Because he hurt. Heroin is a pain killer. When Izzy hurts...ya know, he just wanted to kill the pain."

"But he could have fucking died." His voice is so soft and full of wonder.

"He was drunk," I explain, "Izzy cant handle drinking very well. It...it brings out the parts of his personality he usually buries." And that was the honest to gods truth. Izzy became an unpredictable asshole when he got drunk. Izzy was a mean drunk. I can't help but wonder if under all that smack lay another Axl Rose?

I pull up in front of the rehearsal space. I sigh and just stare at the building. Slash sits next to me staring too. Neither one of us are looking forward to this. I for one had no idea what kind of mood we would find Axl in.

"Lets do this," I sigh and give Slash a small smile.

He nods and we file out of the drivers side. As I'm about to open the door I hear sobbing. Slash and I look at one another and I slowly push the door open. Axl is plastered to the wall crying and pounding his fists on it.

"Axe," I call out.

"Please Duff just save it," He shakes his head and looks down. "I know you two are here to talk me into going back...I cant," he sighs, "I just cant do it anymore."

"But Izzy loves you," Slash says.

Axl wipes his nose and glances at him. "Don't look at me like that Slash. I fucking love Izzy more than you'll ever be able to understand..but sometimes...sometimes it takes more than love to make shit work."

"This about the drugs?" Slash asks him.

Axl sighs, "None of you can understand what the shit is like for me."

"Then explain," I say and rub his back.

"You know I used to do the shit with Izzy...for like a year?" He pauses as we look at one another in surprise. "There was this chick, Desi, she got Izzy hooked and then he got me hooked. The three of us..." he pauses, "She had this overdose...Izzy and I had no fucking clue what to do...We were screaming at one another to do something but...We left her there to die," he softly concludes. "After that I never wanted to do smack again. I was too scared to die. I went cold fucking turkey right then and there, but Izzy couldn't. He tried a dozen times but he always ended right back on dope again, usually a little worse than the previous time. And I've lived with the shit. I lay in bed every night wondering if tonight is the night I roll over and he's fucking cold and dead next to me." He breaks loose sobbing. "He fucking always promises me he's going to cut back, then he just goes behind my back and hides it."

"Axl, man nobody is perfect," Slash sighs, "You and your jacked up attitude...Izzy and his addiction...But I can tell you guys really love each other. Do you have any idea how many people are out there right now in relationships that work but don't even fucking love one another? You and Izzy have to find a way. If not for yourselves, then for the band."

"Slash how do you expect the band to make it with a junkie in tow? You were in Seattle, you see the bullshit baggage that comes with it."

"Izzy's always done a good job with maintaining," I say in his defense.

"No," Axl shakes his head, "Izzy does a good job at hiding how much he actually does. He shoots up like three to five times a day when he can. I'm what keeps Izzy 'maintained' because I ride his ass. I'm tired of always having to be that guy. I just want my Izzy back," he says as he starts to sob again.